cobaltika

from the Burr Oak Woods, Missouri - last Sunday
a few more on flickr

i am still trying to adapt to my new lifestyle. the days/weeks FLY. it is a little frightening. so many of my original habits are different now. for the most part, i like it all so much. trying to find balances, adapt. the LONG weekends can be quite lonely and i need to be forcing myself out a little and *not* getting library DVD’s for company. the KC-with-the-poet weekends are calm and sweet. we take tinaMerlot places and go for hikes or explorations. but then i feel frustrated about “not getting my work done” because i can’t seem to find a flow in one day, or fragmented days. then i find a flow and feel excited and next day can’t stand what i have done and wonder why i keep trying. but today i am back to liking it all and can’t wait for the next 4 days the “studio” - heh. i *really* need to expand that space and quick. so balance balance balance…

now i am on my bootleg porch. won’t it be cold in the winter? maybe by then i can afford my own in-home connection. the bootleg is very iffy, usually doesn’t last more than 10 minutes. that’s ok! long enough for my coffee. i’m really pushing it this morning, though … trying to write this.

even though i have moved and “settled in” i am still downsizing. i am listing almost every single book i own in my spiffy new Amazon store (not really spiffy, it’s ugly & can’t be customized). and people are wanting them! yay! i *do* need the extra pennies for sure. that is about what i get, but at least i know they are going to people who WANT them - not just being dumped at goodwill or the used bookstore. some of them are pretty precious to me. but i just can’t see dragging them all around for the rest of my life. it is too hard. and i know i’m not done yet. also, putting more things on etsy all the time (included all of the rest of the prepared books!). thinking about zatista. getting rid of clothes i hate and have kept wearing anyway. etc.

ok. enough rambling. coffee is in, 8.00, time to go to work - *my* work! yeah!

this is not my beautiful house…
but a neighbor. i went out to “meet” some of them last weekend. this place fascinates me and i know we will visit again. i know i should have made some pictures of my own place before i started working again. now it is pretty messy. even though i have designated “normal living areas” (ha. me?), there is artStuff everywhere almost. my poet was right. i did not devote enough space to artMaking. i will probably re-arrange fairly soon, that is the fun of having one big space. you CAN. for instance, i made a “dining area” - LAUGH. why do i need a table and 4 chairs? i never have guests. maybe one at a time. i must still dream of being a more social person. and the nest area is larger than it needs to be, for sure. i am still least satisfied with that space. but i sleep very very well nonetheless.

so i am officially “poor” now. i have received my first new reduced paycheck. and i am still serene and not as fearful as i know i should be, because i am obviously going to sink somehow. there is not enough to meet all of my obligations. unless i find more work or manage to sell more things (could someone *please* come buy my iMac???) i have been listing more and more things on Etsy, even though i don’t feel that is the best venue for me. my work is not cute or crafty or indie and i know it is an awful time to try to sell art. i wish i could think of something to create that is more necessary - or irresistible. i have been working on some new and bigger pieces that i love very very much. so far.

i am in the laundromat right now. there is free MickeyD wireless across the street. it is calm and quiet in here, with only a few oldtimers doing their laundry. it is actually cheaper than the laundry at the old awful place, so i am glad. ok, enough. my dryer is almost finished and i just had to give my seat to a pair of little folks and it is hard to keyboard standing up! happy Friday!

old truck : easton kansas

it was really fun going adventuring last Saturday - with my poet. we also went to Atchison via county roads, and to the Benedectine College, where there is the greatest view of the Missouri River. as we were getting out of the car, the most friendly man talked to us, thinking we were alumni visiting. finding we were just random visitors, he told us all the places we could go, so we wandered around in all the buildings - both the old and the new cathedrals - the old dormitory - etc. (but not the monk’s quarters - heh. i made that mistake once. unknowingly, though.) nothing was locked. we wandered downtown, but it was not that interesting (except for the Donut Shop!). we ate our pita sandwiches by the river on a picnic table. then we drove on a scenic highway that wasn’t really to Leavenworth and i was able to visit the Old Soldier’s home again! on a sunny summer afternoon, it was not NEARLY as haunting and interesting as first visit and it was hot and we were tired, so there were few images made. i want to go back in more interesting light, because i still believe it is an amazing place.

i am thinking i might go exploring this weekend, too. it is SO MUCH fun to have tinaMerlot!!!

donut shop : atchison kansas

i found my cameras. and *everything else*, too!

becoming more and more settled. trying to get used to not just a new (and wonderful) home, but also a new lifestyle. i’m not sure i will call it “wonderful” yet - as i have not yet seen my new reduced paycheck. it *will* be scary, that i know. i know i know, i *should* have pictures of my new home, but … interior photography is so uninspiring to me. i will eventually, i’m sure. everything is as orderly as it is going to get for now. i have been playing with my poet on some weekends, doing a little exploring and trying to get my vampire eyes back in order. hard work. at home, i do not have internet access, which is a very strange thing to get used to, and i *am* experiencing a little … er … withdrawal. i am not sure if it is going to fit into my new reduced budget, plus i DESPISE our singular local option - sunflower cable. i added the amount of $$ i had paid them in penance fees for not having a television and it came to about $1200 for the last 10 years. ENOUGH!! sometimes i can bootleg a little on my little breezeway porch. otherwise, i take the Macbook to the library or somewhere with access on the days i need to do office work from home. i like the feeling of being less connected, even though it feels strange. we’ll see how it goes.

otherwise, it is summer. my least inspiring season. i have been feeling very calm. and having incredible dreams. reading a lot. and the artTable is ready.

onward!

no pictures - just moving tales.

how can i make pictures when i can’t find my cameras yet! (or my clean underwear, dammit!!)

but i am now moved and settling into my new home - even with boxes and piles, it feels so homey already to me. i LOVE my new place. it is a little different to arrange it, without walls and “proper” rooms, but it is fun! i love the open-ness, but realize i need a secret and calm nest for sleeping, so i am making one. i have ceiling fans - and the shower is for a tall person - things WORK - a window in the bathroom - i could go on and on about the small details that please me. the moving felt very hard, which was strange, as i have NOT acquired new things since the last move. my poet came to help on his one day off and though i was trying to be tough and self-sufficient, i *needed* him. and am grateful. then i hired my boss’s son and a friend to do the bigger things and the boxes (and boxes… and boxes…) of books and artStuff and they were amazing!

King Tubby seems to like the new place and actually stepped outside the door this morning. i am hoping he will return to his outsideCat status SOON - because cat boxes - ICK. at least he has stopped the yowling of last month.

not only have i made a transition of environment, also this is the week that my job transition is made. i am now only working 24 hours/week. gulp. i have looked forward to this reduction, in conjunction with the winding down of our program, for a couple of years. i did not anticipate that i would no longer have my freelance job at the time though. of course, you can just never know what will happen. but i decided to make the leap anyway. maybe i am foolish. i am going to be stunningly poor. hopefully, i can creatively overcome that problem, but if not, well … we’ll see. gulp.

so. it is a new life now.
even though i am exhausted and a little fearful - i am happy! very!