040709
2009.0407
plastic camera roses : valiant camera (a Diana clone)
samoa california summer 2008
surprise! i know i know - it is not relevant at all. we may never see flowers in this town. every time some buds pop out, they are frozen off in the night. bah. no tulip trees this year??? again?
i had a productive weekend - staying in on cold dreary days. i scanned all the film and prints i *finally* had developed - i had hoarded many rolls of film, both 120 and 35mm - all were from either the Valiant or the Olympus XA2, which are my two favorito film cammies. while scanning, i realized that Every Single One of the 120 frames were - that’s right! - some funky architecture. except for this one. i really do need to expand my repertoire.
a nudge from a long-time friend/reader made me realize that i *have* been very vague and obscure these days, only plopping in a few words along with the funky architecture. i didn’t mean to turn into a mostly-photo journal, but i *am* increasingly squicked about spewing all of my personal details in public now (not that there are many to spew). i still keep my livejournal and when i write intimate things and whines, they are heavily filtered among only a few. some of you might still drop in here, too - and wonder. so here is a short overview:
i still spend my days in the fluorescent prison and struggle with finances and energy/time for artMaking. it is becoming more and more of a struggle (both), yet i am contemplating asking to work half-time for the rest of my time here (a couple of years). i have been informed that i am crazy/stupid, etc, but i think it is the only way i can bear it. so i may move *again* this summer. i am considering cooperative living, but i wish i could find a group of adults to do it with, because i don’t want to be a dormMother. i put an ad on Craigslist. or i might find a teeny tiny cheap place, big enough for a bed and an artTable. my family wish i would move back to Texas, and i am tempted.
Margaret is in Texas, doing very well at UT, studying math and sciences. Betsy is in Oakland, spending a transitional year after college, working and living with her dad and contemplating her next step in life. i want to be closer to my girls but i can’t afford to live in Calfornia. besides that would break my mother’s heart. and of course it is not certain that Betsy will stay there or Margaret will go there. my poet and i have become somewhat involved again, from a distance, with occasional weekends and for now, that is comfortable. sometimes we daydream, but … i also feel the need to expand my boundaries in companionship and friendship. i really feel the lack of community in my Real Life.
re: art - see above. struggle. since moving last summer, i have mostly been working on reconstructed books, but it is not what i would be doing if i had more timeEnergySpace … but i MUST keep my hands busy. i have also made lots and lots of pictures. i have only shown a fraction of them. some are very good, but i am realizing my subject matter is becoming tedious even though i am still driven by it. i also still struggle with the White Food Dilemma and what to do with my long raggedy hair, which i want to keep. i have lived for almost a year without owning a car and i am proud of that.
at the end of the week, i’ll go to Texas for a visit.
then i will come back.
onward…
