cobaltika

last saturday morning vs. this saturday morning (picture not included). at 7am i have the sliding glass door open (so King Tubby may go in & out if he likes). only a warm breeze and many bird noises come in. it is still grayish, but i think it is the weather, not the earliness. i have my flannel nightgown and fur boots on anyway. it is going to be really really hard to stop wearing my fur boots. they are so perfect. never too hot, and my feet are never cold. never. the coffee is stinging the roof of my mouth, where the skin burnt off after a greedy bite of too-hot Amy’s pizza last night. ouch so bad. weekend again finally. i live for them these days. i have another car weekend, as last weekend i could not afford to do my Big Shopping (ie - giant box of multi-cat litter and etc). so today i will do my car errands and mundane chores, maybe some exploring, then tomorrow back to Kansas City for a play date. then i cannot have a car for a long time (it will seem like anyway). sometimes i think of acquiring a little junker, but then i remember how they always break down at the most inconvenient times and must be towed and huge mechanic’s bills and think NEVER MIND - maybe someday i can afford a Good Car. in the meantime this is fine.

i am trying to decide if i want to disconnect my home internet. a scary thought - my connection to the world? but i am so peeved at my broadband - $10 late fee for 4 days late??? that’s new and seems rather obscene. they also punish me with a $10 fee each month because i don’t have a TV. i rooted around for an open connection in this complex, but everyone seems locked up. if i weren’t planning to leave in a few months, i would look for another service. i’m not sure if there is even a choice in this town…

i am also about to drop my paid Flickr account and downsizing from 1400 images to 200 is an interesting occupation. i want my own photo galleries and will use it to announce … and then sometimes for fun. but it is not that much fun anymore. the biggest pain is moving all of my journal images to a folder on my server, then re-linking. Flickr makes you lazy - and addicted. sometimes i am a little tired of all this webstuff, but i still like my journal.

ok. almost time to go do things. i wonder if it will rain today…

this was Sunday. buttKilling snowyHiking in a secret suburban wilderness with my Poet. (yes, i am still going to call him that, though he is now afar.) quite lovely. as was the little town of Lexington MO although it was much too icyCold in the morning to wander very far. i want to go back. things demanded examination.

and no picture from today but it is very different. cloudCrosses in the sky and birds in the woods. the students have taken off their fur boots and nighty pants and are wearing their little brother’s sport shorts and flip flops. not me. no. it takes my skin longer to get that comfortable with air again (if it ever does). but i wear my oldest most shredded and pale denim jacket. from New Mexico. it is a rebel’s jacket and oh do i ever need it lately. it is safe to wear to the office now my hair has become long and ragged again, to cover the worst of the jacket. then i hide it behind the door of my fluorescent prison. unseen but known.

i admit i have been far from here. lately torn and spattered about. not in myself at all. not a very comfortable place and perhaps tonight i will drink too much wine and write it all away.