cobaltika

Mean Little Places : a winter project : now complete

what is revealed when the greenery is gone?
and the snow does not come to cover?
20 views from the alleys

words are becoming more and more difficult to make lately. they are all stuffed in, occasionally a few spew out, probably inappropriately. crisis of confidence! crisis of confusion! torn from limb to limb! i go out on my longWalks, on the weekend, making small visual exercises. this weekend was making in-camera compositions with found scenes. it was rather pleasant. more on flickr upon clicking image as always. finally new underwear. i supported my local downtown department store - at a cost. yikes. a little food - a little wine. when did i write last anyway? here? friday night with traci in her artHouse was very good. i am so resistant to making art in someone else’s space, but i managed quite well. and it was FUN. a new book in progress. all pale. maybe i will fill it with pale sheds and pale poems. more dense dreams. long days in the fluorescent prison.

onward to where.

mean little places : an ongoing winter project
more here

this is about all i’m good for lately. messing around with pictures of badLooking stuff. and sitting in the office. and reading and sleeping. i don’t feel very writish lately, or very artish either - although i am thinking a LOT - about art, and all kinds of etc. - but words don’t quite flow here. don’t worry. i’m sure i will be prolific again soon. maybe when the sap starts running? i’m in one of those sleepy periods, with heavy sleep and dense dreams. often i feel disoriented until about 10am. i’m in a new office this week. that doesn’t help. i want to sew. but the idea of digging out boxes of fabrics is so exhausting. i guess i’ll go make another book…i’ve decided they are legitimate work after all.

onward.

so hey. i pick my own day to share the love.

an excellent afternoon for a long long hike. i MUST remember that having the iPod on a photoWander is sort of like doing it on drugs. WAY fun but not scary or unhealthy. sort of an ecstatic experience. truly wonderful. it made the whole wander sort of a dance - Andrew Bird, Theresa Andersson, Jefferson Airplane (the romantic songs) Lady Gaga and then some. what a mix. speaking of Mr. Bird - i actually bought a ticket to his concert in March. i wondered if i would really do it. i DID. now. when was the last time i went to a concert? um. Patti Smith? surely since then… surely?

also, i have had a revelation about those “meaningless” books. maybe even the pictures of garages and Mean Places (which i found many more today! oh!) a good one. but i am not going to write about it now, because i am not in the mood to be profound.

tomorrow i have to move out of my office. i am not excited.

it was lovely to escape the office early yesterday, on a wonderful pre-spring day, even if only to walk downtown to go to the dentist (ugh). i decided to take my pencam and oh my was Penelope ever delighted about the excursion. she is so good at sky and the clouds were amazing. now i have many of them to use for texture layers, etc. tree branches, too. just what i had been wishing for. photoshop clouds are rather disgusting. sadly, i am afraid Penelope may be near death. she has had a wonderful life and Jim, if you are still out there, i still thank you every time i carry her. despite the irritating BEEP, she is a grand companion! she is now sucking the life out of her batteries too quickly, then dying … then beeping dramatically. but i’ll keep her breathing as long as possible.

even though i seem to be only interested and capable of making images lately, i *did* finish yet another empty and meaningless book last night. the stack is growing. i don’t have a clue what to do with them, how to fill them with content - what. they seem so foolish. i wish i could stop.

hurry 5. i don’t want to be here.

: : : : : : :

a wondrous adventure to a most otherWorldly place.
(each image clicks to a separate set of images for your viewing pleasure!)

last Sunday i had the opportunity to explore an amazing brandNew area (for me) - one that i had been warned was “too dangerous” and i had never been able to find, even when i was feeling brave and rebellious. i was accompanied, so don’t worry! (even though it didn’t feel a bit creepy) i was completely enchanted. my imagination was in overdrive and by the end of a few hours, my eyeballs were literally aching. i think i may be reaching the end of making images that are purely glamorized documentations. this place made me long for more movement, more habitation - fragmentary and sheer people, garments and cloth, tiny elephants - something. i wanted to make visual stories. somehow.

i’m pretty sure i want to live there, in the Bottoms, in Kansas City. oh no. i’m not kidding.

next step. going IN.

no doubt. the most Dam Fine weekend would be the one wherein one sits in a raggedy flannel nightgown at the end of it - with a glass of cheap red wine. the cat licking with relief at your presence. finally. with eyes near bleeding and bursting from the sights. with heart, mind and sensibilities cracked open. joyfully.

(drums in the park. birds fly away. trains clanking. dog-sized pigeons)

with no clean underwear for Monday morning. no soup frozen to take to the office for lunch (office?? huh??). carpet rather unclean. even sheets, my god. and unremembered dishes in the sink. only a vision of pale floating curtains from the deteriorated windowsills of an abandoned factory. candles somewhere. a plastic stackable chair on the dock. golden fish in the pond. a light laughing on the wind.

i have been to the city.

and it was good.