cobaltika

mostly just a normal sunday around here, the last day of a pretty normal weekend. quiet, slow, dull, restful. and all etc. to be sure i was missing my family though. today. i woke and sent the girls some $$ via paypal - part graduation, part economic stimulus, part i’msogladtobeyourmother. that felt good. i received more than i thought i would and even though i know the whole thing is a joke, not doing a *thing* for the economy, and that they will just eliminate that much from my refund next year, well $$ is $$ and beggars can’t be choosers. so i shared, and bought some adhesives (gluestick and soft gel matte … mmmmmmmmm) and then socked away the rest. betsy called me early, on her way to work ALL DAY, a restaurant in Harvard Square gobfull of reservations. she sounds pleased with her summer job. that’s so good. then i called my mother. she did not sound too good, i am afraid she was doing too much scurrying, trying to prepare for family dinner at her house. she sounded tired and still-congested. she has never really recovered from her mess of the winter. i worry for her so much. but we chatted and laughed for a while. then flowers came. azaleas! followed by a call from margaret (of the azaleas), who was spending the weekend with my sister and on her way to my mother’s. i was jealous. i wanted to be with all of them.

instead i went to the artTable for a while, then decided to do my weekend duty in the basement. and had a GREAT clearing out time. 5 bags of fabric and scraps to the porch and picked up by a freecycler. 2 giant bags to the trash. much consolidation. it feels so good to release things that are … finished … in my life. then i made vegetarian tacos and guacamole. we ate it. then back to the artTable, where i am making some small “canvasses” and also clearing out stuff. i think my allergies might be finished. yay! later i think we shall watch an old hitchcock film. then sleep.

sleep seems to be my favorite thing lately.

nearing the end of a somewhat tedious week. hooray. sunday i made myself go out with my camera and wander a little. i am not sure if i am really burned out, or if i am just flabby from not using my eyes lately, but i felt very … forced. i had to work hard to find and see and capture. maybe i am just sick of my surroundings? i’ve never lived anywhere as long as i have here and i have gypsy blood, i’m sure. and a military upbringing. anyway, i found some things i want to play with a little. what else? oh my. the artTable is not very inspiring this week either. i’ve been working in my journal mostly. then wallowing and reading under the quilt my mama made for me. and full-blown allergies. my god. awful. snot flying everywhere. even the roof of my mouth has been itching for the last two mornings when i wake. i checked the pollen count. oak and mulberry. yesterday morning i saw a fox on the way to work. yes! a real one. and in a neighborhood. i was fairly close and watched him for a long time. he was ragged and very nervous. i wish my economic stimulant would come.

i felt sadder than i imagined i might, to see her disappear on the back of the tow truck, sitting up like a queen, proud and brave. and realized i had her longer than any other car i have owned. and what a big part of my life with the girls she was. when we bought her, in the fall of 2000 for $2000, we were all so delighted. to have such independence - flexibility - POWER! the girls loved the extra seats in back. they were so tired of begging rides everywhere, now *we* could be the drivers! and we were. saffire has been full of giggly girls more times than i can count. both girls learned to drive her and i’m sure she has been involved in a few situations i don’t even want to think about. i am in debt still, up to my ears over saffire - trying to keep her running so the girls could have transportation for all the things they needed to do. when they left, i decided she would now be on DNR status, receiving only vital fluids. i would no longer sink money into her. for over two years, she has been happily poking about town on the weekend errands, despite having been vandalized and having lost some important parts. but this weekend, she just stopped. on the next block over. last night i retrieved some belongings, but leaving her decorated with plastic stars and paper lei’s for her exit from this world. today i called the truck. he came. i signed the title. she is gone. she was a pretty good car, really.

bye girl. thank you.

i have put a few new things on etsy. some doors from Nortonville. enhanced! i think they might be a little busy for me, but i liked making them. i love using up stuff. the bases for these are some of my first darkroom experiments. i am trying to make a few new little things, but i feel distracted lately, since returning. for various reasons. i alternate between misery and secret joy. but mostly i have just been going to the office, trying to get caught up, coming home, arting a little, then reading until sleep. deep dark dreams. even without melatonin. dull me.

sadly, i believe saffire has died. my dark blue vehicle of the last 8? years. she has been on DNR status since margaret moved away, and no daughters needed her to get to school or for social engagements. i am stunned that she has lasted over 2 years with only vital fluids. an elderly lady of 17 years. her only outings have been to the grocery, Target and the local nature preserves in these 2 years, but i’m sure she has enjoyed these small outings. she never fails to start up. even this morning. she started eagerly, as we headed out to the coop, and made it around the block, then … death when put into gear. i am pretty sure it is a belt/transmission thing, as a similar event occurred one morning when margaret was trying to drive to school and i remember her calling and screaming on the phone…dramatically.

so she is parked in the next block. i suppose i will call the junkman on monday. i wonder if she is worth any parts. it is likely that she doesn’t need a *lot* of work, but i have not a penny to put into her now. i kept to my budget in boston, but used the last of my tax refund “cushion” to help pay off betsy’s tuition, her choice as a graduation gift. saffire understands. we had a daydream of me driving her off on an adventure, as far as she could go. i wish i had done that with her.

we took our bike wheel to be repaired today. i’m glad there is a little food market downtown now.

oh. don’t mind me. i’m tinkering this morning…

probably making quite a mess!

—update. ok. i’ll leave it like this for now. not sure i like it. there are canned things on archive, comment, etc. pages that i don’t like and can’t seem to change. hmmm. don’t like that kind of stuff. canned statements. but look! comments. i’m sure the spammers will find that new addition useful. but maybe someone will talk to me? oooo! anyway. there is laundry to do. enough of this for now.

—update again. tinkering again…

sometimes i put an image (or a few) on flickr that i just love with all my heart. but not a soul looks at it or them (according to their “view” counter, which i hate anyway, because i would rather not know, frankly). this was one of three from last night. i couldn’t pick a favorite. so this one. here. redbuds interacting.

would i like ukiah california? or is it too small? if there is walmart, i don’t want to live there, though.