cobaltika

this isn’t finished. i’m waiting for the pot of beeswax to melt and then there will be some buttons probably. this is not the biggest one. yes, i made one *bigger*! gasp. (can’t photograph until daylight tomorrow, and then … maybe not anyway). and also, this is not what is really in my head, but it is what came out of my hands. i was trying to be more daring … and braver … but mostly i felt dull and stuck. simplicity and minimalism are the hardest things in the world. but they are *much* better than the hateful mess i began last night. the point is to keep covering up and adding more until you have the nothing you want? well, what do i know? anyway, i am trying …

weird day mostly. slept FAR too late, unusual for me. then after slacking a bit, starting the laundry, we decided to treat ourselves to lunch out. sometimes i get so tired of homeFood. so we went to The Orient, which has always been a favorite. inexpensive, authentic, etc. i ordered my usual veggie pad thai and my poet went for the tofu curry. all was well until suddenly a WIDESCREEN TV came on spouting INFOMERCIALS. i nearly shit. i DON’T go to eat at places with TV’s blaring (occasionally, when travelling, in some breakfast dive, it has happened, and seems a novelty, but not at HOME). my stomach started to twist. as we were the only customers, when our server brought our food, i asked if they could please turn it off. the owner zapped it off, but i thought she looked a little cranky about it. we ate. it wasn’t as good as in the past. my poet began a stomach ache and by the time we headed on to our errands, i also felt queasy. blech. then the clouds came in, which i thought i might be glad about, as the winter light is so harsh and white, but it only seemed depressing. i kept working on these new pieces until i felt OK with them. finally after some red wine and plain pasta with butter and parmesan, my stomach is a little better. i still have to write that check to the IRS. this was not the best saturday.

just when i snap off my big mouth about “no more small stuff” and “no more clipped text” i start having lots of fun with it and can’t stop. buh. i *do* want to make big work this year and i WILL. but. um. maybe not just yet? i keep telling myself i must stop using found text, because it is now as trite as pointy hats on fairies (sorry), but then the perfect pages come along and the words just fall together and it is just so much FUN. even my poet says i “do it well”. so maybe i should discontinue any pronouncements about what i will and won’t do and just do what feels right? or should i kick my ass and take some risks with uncomfortable stuff? erf. anyway, they are on etsy, of course. and they are FUN.

i am so proud of myself. i went out into the world, part1!! last night i went to the local Photo Alliance meeting at the art center - at Night and All Alone (without the moral support of traci, even!). i have wanted to go for months, but seem to suffer some kind of agoraphobia around town, wherein it is sometimes hard for me to get out, beyond wandering the alleys with my camera and buying groceries. but i know i really need to try to connect in real life and start hanging in some shows, etc. it is very important to me. so i DID it! i made a show-and-tell book to take along, with about 20 images printed - mostly the weird stuff, blurry, jamcam - my typical things. i also had an altered book, which featured local photos and biz cards and the works - even a couple lo-fi digital toycams to show off. i felt confident, even of my naive imagery. i wore my chucks and stripey socks, because that always helps too.

it was a nice group. very mixed. i had not been to a meeting in about 3 or 4 years, and at that time, the others looked at traci and i as if we were aliens when we mentioned toy cameras and Holgas. there is much more diversity now, with techHeads, digital-only, analog-only, alternative processes, pinhole - all represented. (no one else used a nailpolish camera, though!) there were ideas tossed for new events, programs in the year, field trips, etc. and then a show and tell/socializing time. everyone was open-minded and friendly. i was glad to go! i think i’ll jine up even!

and who knows? maybe i will even go back to the art guild…it is possible that members have moved beyond macaroni poodles now! wheeee! really, though, i wish there were a group of artWeirdo’s. i would like that best.

still feeling a little beach-obsessed. who wouldn’t be? while walking up the hill this morning bombarded by small icy pebbles. over the weekend and into the week, so far, i have been working madly at the artTable in a very inspired fashion. turning photos into objects, completing collages started 4 years ago - suddenly i know just what to do with them. it is all fun. and it is all going to etsy. new stuff almost every day. i am still thinking about initiating my own web gallery again, with larger pieces and textiles, but there has not yet been the right light and the right time to do the photography required. i am also thinking about (finally) “going out into the world” this year. yes. i think about it almost every year. but maybe this year will be the one i actually do it. anyway…onward.

no. this is not where we stayed. i considered it, but the reviews on tripadvisor were gruesome, so we picked another set of crusty cottages, which were just fine. these were catty-corner across the street. the last morning i loaded up the Valiant and went exploring. i actually thought it was abandoned, as there was only one car and the “open” light was off. my family picked me up as i was finishing up, just as i caught the manager staring at me from the darkened office. RUN!!

these are probably my favorite, and best, toycam shots EVER. i LOVE my valiant. even though she is falling apart.

i will probably be making more images like this. even though i sometimes snarl about my “small work”, i just love doing it. right now it works in my space and with my time. somehow using the recycled photographs as background for the new images felt very good. pleasant work last night!

now it is morning and i have had too much coffee and my ears are humming loudly from the leftover sinus thing. my feet are freezing and it is gray and dreary out. after a few errands i plan to spend the rest of the weekend at the artTable. don’t even try to stop me!