cobaltika

it was rough getting there, but completely worth it. we tried to avoid the sleet/snow/ice storm last saturday, that was predicted to hit in the morning, but managed to drive right into it. bleh. proceeded slowly to Pawhuska OK, where a photo/nature/overnight stop was planned. since the roads there seemed “not too bad”, we decided to go to the tallgrass prairie anyway. i *really* wanted to see herds of bison roaming. and we did. in the snow. even better! they were magical creatures. plodding through the landscape.

there was a reputedly fabulous cemetery full of stone angels that i also wished to visit in the town, but next morning, the roads were too icy to drive up to it. we slid backwards, so had breakfast in a local cafe instead. but i found the other fabulous cemetery down the road … (images later, i’m sure) … WOW.

in texas there was much family and fun. i felt so happy to be there with everyone. it was warm.

the day after christmas, my girls, my poet and i piled into the small rental car and blasted off to Port Aransas. i longed to see pelicans and saw them immediately as we crossed over on the ferry. dolphins jumping, too. we had two tiny efficiency cottages rented for two nights. they were *extremely* modest, rather vintage (hooray! our bathroom floor didn’t cave in after all!), and only a couple of blocks from the beach. we went to the beach right away and walked barefoot!! it was so lovely. we ate sea creatures and looked for birds and watched the fisherman. there was homemade candy and a rattlesnake in a glass cage and very few people as it was winter. i watched the sunrise on the beach alone and happily. on the way home, a stop at the Aransas National Wildlife Refuge was scheduled and completed. there were so many more things i hoped to see and do, but why does time pass so quickly??

back to family and again, time passed too quickly and we were soon (too soon) on our way home.

now i am back here. real life? with a dreadful cold, piles of laundry, gray ice and snow everywhere. and a letter from the IRS.

somewhere in all this, there is a balance and i am drifting out of this year peacefully.

ok sure. this isn’t very holidayish. but i like it a LOT. so there. and though it might seem meaningless imagery for the end of the year … it is not. even though i have been insanely busy this month, i have been in a state of inner contemplation about the future. now whether i will actually act on any of my thoughts is another thing, but … i am always hopeful!

tomorrow morning we shall dash away in a rental car (NO. *not* hertz!), heading south to texas for a rather long holiday. there will be some sightseeing along the way and a short jaunt to THE BEACH is even planned. (i must remind margaret to bring her fishing tackle.) i am so excited (and tired) that my pre-travel anxiety is almost buried. no headSpinning! (knock on wood and take meclazine before bed, just in case). we will take books and cameras. i might even take my writing book. i don’t think i am going to take artSupplies though, although i will collect ephemera. i might see if i have some crochet stuff, though. mostly it will just be hanging out and playing with family and looking at things. i can’t wait!

i wish all a peaceful and pleasant holiday time.

see you next year!

this is one of those images that doesn’t really mean anything. at least not to the viewer. somehow it makes sense to me, though, and pleases. i am still fairly enamored with my pencam (thank you jim … *still*). it is the only camera i have picked up this month. i am not depressed, but very very flat. as if someone is doping my coffee with prozac or something. i don’t feel much, beyond Tired. i do manage to feel discontent. mostly with the path of my life and my outlook in general for my prospects. something needs to change, but i cannot afford dramatics.

the last magazine of the year is now finished and i have a few giftie things i am finishing. then we shall pack and head to texas for a week. i am looking forward to that very much. if it is cold and rainy, however, i am going to kick things. we might even go to the coast and see birds! mostly i will just be glad to see my girlies and my familia.

i think i have finished listing on my ETSY shop for the year. i am so grateful for my new and old customers *and* for my new friend with whom i bartered some beautiful treasures that i can’t really mention as they are gifts and i don’t know if i still have any family stalkers here. i am very disappointed though, that i seem to have encountered my first two losses with the post office. one to england and one just up the road to kansas city. this makes me very sad, as the items were carefully chosen and there are no identical ones for replacement. perhaps they will arrive still, in good health. we *did* have “weather”, but not really enough for a good excuse.

there were a million things i thought i wanted to write when i walked up the hill this morning, with my tattered black scarf tied the way i saw on The Sartorialist, feeling so urbane. but now i am not in the mood for rambling so i’ll quit. sometimes i miss those nights of redWine drinking and endless keyboarding of my internal affairs. it was embarrassing, but somehow a comfort. like a release. anyway, never mind. i am NOT regressing back to that!! onward…

GO pencam! finally it was dry enough to walk to work without watching out for my feet and ice patches and blearyEyes students in SUV’s. there was even something resembling sun. so i loaded up the pencam before leaving the house. the pencam was delighted and found some interesting scenery. i almost felt like a creative person. instead of a big dreary BEAR. it is a little creepy to have already entered hibernation, even before the solstice. i have been fascinated by the deep sleep and amazing dreams already. it is difficult to wake in the morning. and i have NO inspiration at all. that part is depressing.

my $$ was finally returned to my account by Hertz. i called off the Visa fraudDogs, but had my debit card changed anyway. i am relieved, but still uneasy. that was all a shocking series of events for a fairly naive person.

we are forecast with 5 to 7 inches of snow tonight. i will believe it when i see it. but i wish…

i need a new vision. or something. i feel like i am sinking into sameness. and a certain sterility. there is a loss of joy, although a specific birdsong will bring a moment, or a smile from a happy poet, or a delighted daughter. those things. but the joy at the artTable, a most important one for me … where is it?

this week, i was searching for a particular artPiece i made ten years ago and came across a PILE of work from that time. all textiles. i brought it all upstairs and examined it, wondering if i should put some of the smaller pieces on ETSY. i was surprised to see how similiar it was to what i am still doing and was glad to note that consistency. i had tender feelings about that work. then by the time i went to sleep, i was thinking i should just burn it all.

i don’t know about anything lately. but i do know i am glad it is friday.
that’s enough for now.

it already seems like it is going to look and feel like this forever. deep Winter seems to have arrived *much* too soon and i am wondering where went the pleasantness and energy of beloved Autumn so quickly. the “ice storm” was somewhat of a disappointment, even though we allowed ourselves to be caught up in the frenzy and my poet went out at night (unheard of!) to acquire bread and chips, so if necessary we could live on peanut butter sandwiches and tortilla chips and water for days without power. clementines, also. needless to say (it is *never* as exciting in our town as anticipated), the university was not closed down and i had to skate to work next morning. ugh. the sidewalks are impossible, so one must walk in the street, which is just as frightening, with icy patches and students in grand vehicles in a great rush to get their fruited-up lattes before finals. ugh. i have not seen the sun for days. i don’t even know where my sunshades are. every day i feel like a russian peasant, dressed in the one black skirt that does not have static cling with tights and leggings, lumpy socks and clumpy boots. at least the tights are striped. and i *do* love my parka and my jolly hat with earflaps.

but for Three More Months?

i don’t know…

ps. don’t even ask me about art.

this snow is so nice, but sliding around on ice is *not*. i was afraid of wearing out my elfBoots too quickly, as i love to wear them so much, but i will never never never wear them again this winter unless it is perfectly dry out. UGH. they are so slippery. but i did not bust my ass. and i am so in love with my black Lands End parka, that i put off buying for two years, because i was afraid the fabric would be too scritchy and noisy. last year i just decided to give it a try after having horrid luck with finding a dreamParka and i was so tired of wearing my big soft oldMan’s coat with the holes in the pockets. the LE parka has the softest gray fleece inside, it is light, the fabric is waterproof, there are tons of pockets and it hardly scritches at all. it is cozy but not claustrophobic. i love wearing it!

thank you all for your nice comments and suggestions re: the Hertz thing. i really appreciate the support so much. the nightmare is not over, but i am trying to maintain a less panicked attitude. i don’t really believe in pulling out the guns and lawyers right away, i prefer to start on a human-to-human basis. so i am still in that mode, awaiting a promised refund, hoping he didn’t just say that to get me off his back for a bit. i am still carefully documenting each event and will use that document if i have to. mostly i just want it to be over with. negative confrontations gnaw me in a horrid way.

this weekend i am going to be at the artTable. DEFINITELY. i can’t wait.

and there are also many many new pretties in my ETSY shop. if you would like me to ship something to a friend for a gift, i will include a gift card for them *and* will also send YOU a gift! hey. i think i will go write that on my front page right now!

why i am mostly quiet right now. Read the rest of this entry »