cobaltika

this year i carved a pumpkin, the first since the girls have gone, but for the first time i did not go wandering on halloween night. not to the cemetery, not to the neighborhood streets. i stayed in, made veggie green enchiladas, gave out all the candy i had (not enough this year, just had to shut off the lights.) and FINISHED ARTSOMOFO!.

i am so tired of being disciplined! (but proud)

today was no office. i had several things to do, including go to the dentist, but took an hour to wander around with miss jemima, snapping away. it was very lovely. i have about 3 days of wandering images from today and the weekend, to mess with. some of them please me very much. sometimes i feel lonely and odd on this night. i have been so busy this evening, but still feel it. well. onward.

still plugging away ambitiously at this thing and will finish successfully, barring sudden incompetence tonight. it is good to know i can decide to do a thing, then carry it out. though in an almost militant way. it is good to know i can discipline myself to sit down and make *some* art every. single. day. with no excuses. it is good to know i can carry and use a camera every day. it is good to know these things, but i doubt that i will continue an everyday practice. i’m not sure what i will do next, although these exercises have been instructional.

tonight i will carve a pumpkin. the first since the girls have been gone. sometimes i miss them irrationally. like something carved out and made into a happyface? tomorrow i will have a mental health day and do errands and go to the dentist. i may or may not wander the night streets with a camera, snapping pumpkins and ghosty children. i just keep wondering what is next.

last night traci and i went to the gallery walk downtown. i haven’t been to one in a long time, as i have become disenchanted by seeing pretty much the same stuff for approximately 7 years. actually i haven’t been out much at all lately and i can tell i am becoming sort of agoraphobic. not good. so we went. it was good fun. i took the jamcam. unfortunately, it was the *bad* jamcam, the one that captures too darkly. too bad, as winedrinking makes people shooting so much easier and there would have been some very good images. i won’t talk about the art, though. or i will sound too snobbish.

i managed to rescue a few images and they are :: here ::

now i wonder what i will do today. still sitting around in nightie clothes. it is cold in the house. i have had a brownie leftover from my poet’s birthday for breakfast, but can tell i will have to make some eggs (protein) very very soon. there is laundry but i do not want to clean the kitchen floor. maybe some wandering today. i hope. and artMaking of course. well, onward…

even though i have been a little quiet on my own journal this month, i have been as busy as a psychotic bee at artsomofo.

here is everything completed this month, so far. *with commentary!*

it has been an interesting personal exercise, for sure. i will probably have more to say at the end of the event. i am pretty sure i am going to complete all of my goals (daily pencam, 31 collages, book of 31 daily pencam images). i have worked every single day on *something*, but i feel a little “behind” on completions. i know i will catch up this weekend.

other things? not too much. or maybe later… i seem to be in a phase of thinking much, but saying little. i’m sure i’ll be back to uncontrolled blabber eventually!

i am in anotherish world tonight. finished so much of the magazine. went to work on my monthlong project, which has taken up so much of the artTable, that any other work contemplated is automatically denied. that’s ok. i can amuse myself. so worked there. sewed many sequins. drank some wine, took some ibuprofen for the back/neckache that seems so consistent. daydreamed and thought unspeakable things. missed the girls so much. remembered. dwelled in the past for a short time. then scanned, posted, felt the cold front blow into my left wrist. from the bit of open window. felt the quiet darkening house. heard the train. wondered how my poet can nap so long then expect to have a real sleep. wondered a million more things. still those trains. i guess the soup is warm now. so bye.

it seems very long since i have written here. having a rather lumpish week, although i have been snapping merrily with the pencam every day and also working at the artTable, even minimally, every evening. i will finish those 31 collages and that pencam book, i WILL. i feel more determined than inspired. i am so tired of my work and rather disappointed with myself in general, lately. sometimes it seems as if the Something New is percolating, but after a day of lumping in the office, it all drains away. i do like this new top though. it is a dusty purple velvet thing from JJill that i found at the Austin Goodwill last summer. i am completely in love with it and today is the first time for wearing. it is quite autumnal here now. i have been using a Sundance catalog for glueing and every time i turn a page i want something on it. greed for long drapy skirts and important sturdy boots. little cardigans. normally i don’t want *stuff* so much, but i have had a longing for garments lately.

it will be a working weekend, but i will probably go out wandering a little. i have been using the new Diana+ (wheee!) but have yet to see any outcome, as it is such a fricking pain to get to the camera store to get the film developed. now they don’t develop on saturday, which is the only day i go out in the car to do errands. bleh. whatever. i feel almost desperate to have some kind of fun, but i am not sure exactly what i would find amusing. i guess that is enough self-absorbed rambling for this morning. friday. thankyoubabyjebus.