cobaltika

today is my betsy’s birthday. she is 22.
she would probably kill me if she saw this, but i don’t think i am in too much danger. she is *very* busy, this, her last year in college. i am hoping that i will even get to say happy birthday in real voice today and not voice mail. she is still my pretty princess. sometimes i feel like the sappiest mother on earth, the way i adore my girls. anyway. 22 years of celebrating this day. i think i will eat Rudy’s pizza for her tonight!

in other news, it is finally the friday of yet another long and tedious week. they are like that lately. today i have to meet students for lunch, so i had to dress “straight”. if long raggedy hair and elfBoots could be considered such? well, i wore a jacket, too. and the 1000-year old black tight skirt that must be made of fabric that will never degrade. as it was a day of celebration, i also wore my tie-dye hipster panties with the turquoise lace. TMI? sorry.

i have been dawdling at the artTable. preparing 37 4×5″ paper “canvasses” in preparation for  artsomofo next month. i am also preparing a 30-page altered book. maybe i will also make one big canvas that i will work on each day, too. i have made hanging birthday cards for the girls, too, that i rather liked. i found my stash of vintage rick-rack and now want to glue it on to everything. it is cool here now. i love that so much.

it was a pretty good weekend, having a car, getting away for a bit. first we wanted to go to the Flint Hills National Wildlife Refuge. it was not in the flint hills. and it wasn’t very wild, but we took two smallish hikes and saw some nice things. then we decided to take the unmarked roads across the prairie and go to Cottonwood Falls via the scenic drive. we got lost on the dirt roads in the prairie, but it was very beautiful. lots of wildflowers and vistas. we could just stop the car and get out and look at things, as there was no traffic. i was glad we had a full tank of gas, snacks and water! finally we ended up exactly where we planned! amazing! then the “scenic drive” was not that lovely after being out in the wild prairie.

we walked around Cottonwood Falls, a little town i like very much for some reason. if someone asked if i wanted to take over that little studio, i would probably say SURE even though i don’t do clay. we spied all around this little bungalow that i have had a big crush on, since last march, when i first saw a For Sale flyer for it in a “ghost town”. if someone asked if i wanted to buy it with no down payment, i would probably say SURE even though i keep thinking i want to go home to texas. then we drove 5 miles down an empty highway to one of the ghost towns i visited last march. we didn’t get out and the only photos i made were with the black and white nailpolish camera, so i probably won’t see them for a long time. that’s ok. then we drove through Strong City, which i also like and hope i can wander around there some day. then through more prairie, and to Council Grove, where we wandered around some before driving home to our own town and La Parilla. yum!

next day to Kansas City for an urban adventure. mostly just procuring items for the girls’ birthdays, going to Whole Foods Mkt and eating at a suburban chain restaurant. for some reason it felt exhausting. the shopping was successful, but it will never be a hobby for me. i did get my own gift, though, since the opportunity would probably not arise for another couple of months. i refilled my Angel star! i have missed that scent so much. then the nice lady gave me a sample of Hanae Mori “Magical Moon”. even though i don’t love cosmic-sounding names like that, the scent makes me swoon. i might need some… then home, put away groceries, and head to the Fitch Nature Preserve. i stopped to shoot the old house, now in a dried cornfield. it is *really* falling down now and even has a danger sign posted. we walked for about half a mile then my poet was brutalized by chiggers. we came home. i am really sleepy today. and it is COOL!

it’s that kind of day … long and slow.

so. i did not Shelfari. because i already have GoodReads, which i have enough trouble keeping up with, so i am NOT NOT NOT … (at least NOT today…)

but. i did Facebook. probably because the girls’ dad did and he got to be their friend and i want to be their friend TOO. they invited me months ago, when they saw i had one for work, but i never did anything with it, or made friends or anything. so i fixed it all up today. so if you need a new Facebook friend, try me! you have to search for “bobbi studstill”. or however you do it. i really can’t imagine a use for the thing … there is certainly no one from *my* high school there.

we will have a little car this weekend because it has been over 2 months since we have been out of this little town and that is far too long. i am quite tired of looking at kansas, but one can only go so far in one day. especially with someone who doesn’t want to spend more than like an hour to get there. ahem. i will take my cameras. i will try to see something new.

181 white street : 8×10 beeswax collage on canvas

this might be one of the last whitish, over-balanced, waxed things i make for a while. of course never say never. i like it, but it seems so uptight. i am sending it to the WhiteOnWhite collective anyway, assuming i will find a large safe padded envy pretty damn soon. i like it but it feels so rigid. i am trying so hard to move away from that … structure. oh it is hard.

it is a good weekend and i am so happy that i still have tomorrow. all chores were done yesterday, so today and tomorrow are only about long walks, cooking and the artTable. and of course more reading. last night i stayed up until past 1am finishing a wonderful tale (Drop City). and some movies i found at traci’s when i was feeding the kitties and looking for shelby. this morning we took a long long walk in north lawrence. sure i had my camera. but i was not really inspired and the images tell. i realize i am no longer enchanted here, even with the almost-change of seasons. it is very sad. i try, but it feels so forced. i know my time here is done. my girls are gone. why am i still here? yesterday in the Merc, the little checker looked at my $$card and said “are you margaret’s mom?” and i felt so validated. i am their mom! i still am! today i made green chile stew, which was really more like soup, but good anyway, with bolillo and butter. of course we had no *real* bolillo, but i made do with a leftover baguette from the Merc. it is the time of year that you can smell chiles roasting in new mexico and i wanted to smell them in my house. i love roasting and skinning the chiles. and i have worked on a new book that i am excited about, but terrified i will ruin before i finish it. erf. but man i really like it…

i miss everybody.