cobaltika

the weekend was good. my poet is better. i did not get sick. i sewed sequins and beads to altered photo collages. the house was made clean enough and my expected family arrived and it was all good. kathy helped me pick tiny tomatoes and basil. she plucked the leaves from the basil and we made pesto. she is a fine helper. we all had dinner in the pink cottage and much chatting, then i swam at the hotel pool (with kathy, of course). home, read, sleep, then up in the morning to play hooky from work and play with them all day. we wandered around, ate like pigs, took kathy to the spray park, i bought fabric to make a skirt (finally. i *am* going to sew). i remembered to take my camera. it was hot and steamy but i didn’t care. now i miss them so much and i am back to the usual things.

now what?

the other poem my poet sent this week. also relevant.
but in a different way. a riskier one.

He who hopes to grow in spirit
will have to transcend obedience and respect.
He’ll hold to some laws
but he’ll mostly violate
both law and custom, and go beyond
the established, inadequate norm.
Sensual pleasures will have much to teach him.
He won’t be afraid of the destructive act:
half the house will have to come down.
This way he’ll grow virtuously into wisdom.

Growing in Spirit
Constantine P. Cavafy

in other news, his illness lingers and i am feeling a little queasy this morning…but i just say NO. because the best part of the weekend is to come, wherein my sister and bro-in-law and little KATHY are coming to visit for a couple of days on their way home from their reunion with their china group. NO SICK NO. it is time to go buy some yogurt and bananas…

yesterday my poet emailed this poem to me at work. it seems particularly relevant for this week.

Even if you can’t shape your life the way you want,
at least try as much as you can
not to degrade it
by too much contact with the world,
by too much activity and talk.
Do not degrade it by dragging it along,
taking it around and exposing it so often
to the daily silliness
of social relations and parties,
until it comes to seem a boring hanger-on.

As Much As You Can
Constantine P. Cavafy

it was a working weekend and a long and tedious one. i have that grumpy feeling this monday morning of “never having any fun never”. i am uneasy and anxious because betsy had many travel misadventures and no one called me to tell me she *finally* made it to taiwan, and then all of them on to malaysia. i guess no news is good news, but this time i am just a little more worried than usual, when they go so far away, so it would have helped to hear for sure. it was hard to sleep last night. but i know when they are off with their dad, they are in another world, having fun. i am glad for that. i am glad they know how to Be Here Now and not drag a bunch of baggage along with them, worries and doubts and obligations. i know they are all fine. this is not whining!

even though it was working weekend, i did manage a little play at the artTable, working on my White On White submission. it looks a little rigid, but i think i might like it. i’m not sure if it is “legal” to post an image of it yet. well hell. it’s MINE, i guess i can. maybe i will.

last week i picked up some films and was quite depressed about them. no magic, although i did like that one very much, and also a couple of shots of the new Bloch Building at the Nelson-Atkins in KC. the other roll was from the Brownie Hawkeye and almost made me weep with its lameness. the other roll was not developed as their E6 machine was broken. i said what?? and looked at the roll of film. great. i was making driveby shots in texas with expensive slide film. oh i can hardly wait to see *that* waste. i think there is something wrong with my vision lately. i am just not *seeing* the way i want, or can’t communicate. or something. perhaps it is just too hot to function.

i just looked down and realized these Tsubo’s look really funny on my feet.

i have been very quiet and very busy. going to the office every day, sure, but also working like a demon at finishing books, and scanning scanning scanning and making web galleries. it’s done enough to show. be afraid. there will be more.

in other news for the week, we have been eating like royalty, gazpacho, okra stew (hush. it’s DELICIOUS, especially with many herbs from the garden), 4″high cornbread with jalapenos and cheese, mango, etc. i am trying to buy more local foods, being greatly inspired by Animal Vegetable Miracle, which i am still reading.

in contrast, we experienced our first random act of meanshitheadedness. yesterday i went out to my car to find the driver’s window totally destroyed and fragments of glass everywhere inside the car. it was awful. poor old Saffire. she did not deserve that. it took an hour to clean her up. bloodied fingertips & mosquito bites. very very sad. at least there is nothing to steal and no rain in the forseeable future…

margaret has arrived safely in Taiwan. betsy will go this weekend. they are going diving in Malaysia with their dad. i miss them.

mostly it is just summer.

dinner:
butter and sugar corn from the farmer’s market this morning
purple potatoes (same)
tiny carrots
cucumber hummus
pinot grigio

yum

i have (finally) been scanning books today. earlier this week i finished many pages with dorland’s wax. finally, i have 4 absolutely completed books sitting on the table (others from another year on the shelf). i have 3 almost-completed books on the other table. then there are others stacked on the table in various states of completion. i don’t really know what i am doing with all these books. i wish i could find a different format that would give me the same pleasure of repetition, objectmaking, boundaries, randomness and obsession. i guess the cloth pieces and “quilts” were like that, but i just don’t have the space for such things now. so i keep doing it.

last week was difficult with something like a depression enshrouding me most of the week. friday i felt a snap-out and that was good. we watched Our First Netflix last night (an antonioni!! but not a very good one). we walked at the swamp today after buying lots of food. i am trying to fight a sinus infection. i love the weekend.

now returning to books, the last half glass of that pinot grigio and The Swell Season (again).

(ps - i will show the books, but not until i have them in an orderly and presentable fashion)

although today is actually rather nice and this summer isn’t as hot as some in the past few years, it is still my worst time. i just despise that greasy sweat between my shoulder blades that refuses to evaporate, especially when even the office is stuffy. and my studio is the hottest place in the house. yesterday i was a witch. also about other things, besides heat, that i just won’t go into right now. it has all been rehashed many times. no changes in sight. still plodding in circles.

but i *was* cheered up last night. we went to liberty hall to see Once. omigod. it was the best film i have seen in a long time. betsy played some of the music on our roadtrip and although i liked it, sometimes it takes more than one time for music to sink in with me. she warned that the film would probably not come to our town, as it was *so* indie. but it did, and it was 2-for-1 night, so we walked down after dinner. i was rather afraid my poet would not like it, because he sometimes does not like things that i do, but it was impossible to NOT like. it was just so fresh and GOOD. sometimes i have anxieties when watching films, waiting for something sad/bad/awful to happen, and i despise the way many films manipulate emotion and response with big dramatic scenarios, but none of this here. it was gentle and authentic. and the music was FINE.

i used to fuss a little about the girls gobbing up my laptop with downloaded music, but the reality is that i miss it a LOT. i loved being introduced to new music from them. one of the best parts of hanging out with them in Texas was listening to the CD’s they burned to ride around with.

that zinnia came from my garden. they are not the big puffy ones that i love to make pictures of, but they are still pretty good. some oddish colors.

i can’t wait to wear fleece again.