cobaltika

i have almost finished my half-year journal, which i actually started on january 1 this year. it is an altered health book for pre-teens with many interesting references to sexual body parts. of course most of it is glued over, as it has turned into a gluebook, using-up-leftover-shreds and experimenting with new and ugly glazes book. more than a journal. in fact, i even glued over the parts where i actually WROTE something. it was only a few early pages. they seemed so dumb. the book is only big enough for about half of a year, so i am compelled to finish it by the end of the month and i am very very close. it seems like a book about nothing, but it is turning out to be a personal journal after all. i rather like it.

there is also another spread on flickr, upon clicking, but no way i am putting it right out here, since there is a gruesome polaroid of me with my bangs trying to grow out. why did i spend 3 hateful months in such misery??? i look terrible with no bangs and my rabbity pale eyelashes and brows. i look like my DAD. not good. not. so i took the scissors and WHACKED them last weekend and felt so much happier, even if they are crooked. they are very very short and weird and that makes me happy. and i am just letting my hair be fuzzy and untamed again. i can’t afford the nice aveda salon right now!! and besides they *never* cut my bangs short enough…

i also painted my toenails. summer!

things worked on this weekend
digital print on altered photo : 1 of 4
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image transfer on altered photo : 1 of 4
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image transfer/mezclado on altered photo. beeswax finish. 1 of 7

it was a good long weekend at home. we took some long walks. watched a movie from the library. ate pretty well (pesto from my garden!). i made a few pictures and read a book and missed the girls (the usual things). but most time was spent at the artTable feeling productive and happy. apparently at the same time wished i would “do something with those dragonflies”, i was transferring them to watercolor paper! great minds! the prints came out really well and i was quite happy with them. the digital prints are fine, too, but i believe i got too carried away with the object-making aspect of mounting them and they seem a bit busy.

i am *very* happy with the tiny mezclado’s though! image transfers of the garages and pointy houses with waxed chinese paper fringe! oooooooooo! i LOVE waxing paper. it has the coolest smooth feel. i have put these new things on etsy.

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i can’t even imagine being one of those types who hangs out at the nature place all day with a whopper zoom and a tripod and a bag of lenses and mysterious equipment, but sometimes when we go wandering somewhere i like to play Nature Photographer. sometimes miss jemima and i get a little lucky. wow. yesterday was a gorgeous day!

i can’t remember if i have showed any of these pieces or not? the little pale paintings of the old garages? images made last winter when it was stark and gray? there are a few of them in varying sizes and states of completion. some are on etsy. more will be. i am not so sure about making my own web gallery after all. it is so much more work. i would so prefer to have it looking the way i want and not all rambly scattered disjointed like on pre-fab etsy. but right now i would rather spend my time in manual making, not digital. it is hard to make myself sit down and scan things, even.

it seems i have returned to bookmaking again. it is so pleasant…

now it is cool saturday morning. this summer has been lovely so far, weather-wise. much rain, so cool! mmmmm. i am sure the heat will come soon enough though. as we are having a poorish month and i have to save $$ for the Big Texas Roadtrip later in the month, we aren’t taking a car for a weekend and going on any explorations. we will explore nearby instead, as far as my old car will limp along. and as long as i have my artTable, gobs of ephemera, a giant fresh jug of Golden softgelmattemmmmm, a box of wine, some books, library DVD’s … i am happy! i might even clean the bathroom! maybe i will cut my bangs again, too. i’ve been trying to let them grow out and have been ugly and grumpy for 2 months. enough!

last night i had a complex and spiritual dream. it was very long and real and i felt nervous when i woke. but i made myself remember it all, every detail. it seemed important. me fighting evil with love and my spray bottle of holy herbal water! wheee! luckily i was able to spew it all to my poet first thing this morning, so i don’t have to write it all out. i used to have the patience to do that…

shit!!! king tubby just came to my window with a baby bunny in his mouth!!! no!!! they are so sweet. there have been bunnies everywhere. i thought he was too slow and stupid to actually catch one. i yelled at him. not proud. i hope he takes it far away. i don’t want bunny bits in my garden … ugh. UGH.

weekend!

when wandering around with miss jemima on sunday evening, i passed by this somewhat shabby turquoise bungalow, standing out in a neighborhood with mostly victorian-ish houses. i have seen it before and i like it. i have probably photographed it, too. sunday it seemed especially delicious, with the addition of the fake dog and with the garish white sunlight behind it. miss jemima cringed (she hates bright light, too), but captured anyway.

as i was shooting, a cop car pulled up beside me and stopped. YIKES! was i doing something BAD?

i decided to pretend i didn’t see him. ignore him unless he whined his siren or got out and shot me. my stomach was all twisty though. i’m not very good with authority figures. so i walked along and played the shabby matron with a new digital camera and made some macro images of flowers and looked at the sky. see? i’m a “photographer”, not a terrorist, you silly policeman! go find a real criminal!

when i came to the end of the block, i discreetly glanced to see if he was still there. yes.

i have been accosted a few times while making innocent pictures, but this was the first time i felt threatened by the law. it was weird. still, though, i don’t know if he was really suspicious or had just stopped to yank off or something. the world is so strange anyway.

altered & embellished photo object : 4″ x 6″

so, yes indeed, i spent most of the weekend on my tail at the artTable. i was obsessed and extremely productive. now, of course, i am having sort of a downer and wondering about all the things i produced. it is funny. i block myself so well with my dictate of Trying To Make Things To Sell. can’t my fucking art have any value otherwise? can’t i just let myself make what i want sometimes? i love these new little pieces. they are very good. but they are not what i really wanted to make. i don’t mind having to work small right now, and i really love production and serial work. but i still want the work to be obsessive and extravagant in places. i love the contrast of pale and minimal with sporadic encrustations. but i stop. HEY. i can’t put all this work into a piece that i am going to (hopefully) sell on etsy for $20 shipping included!!!!

so there are no folded and waxed paper shred edges, or handsewn clumps of beads and vintage pearl buttons with GOBS of golden thread exploding … nope. not this time. but maybe someday.

regardless, the new things are quite nice. they are sturdy and have a good feel. the threads and shreds blow in the breeze. some are at etsy now and more will appear. (yes, i’ve learned the trick of spreading new listings out so they appear on the front page more often…) i still think about having my own web gallery again and have sort of been working on it, but i think i would rather spend the time in manual encrustation actually.

i didn’t make any new skirts. i did drag myself out of the house with miss jemima one time. it is starting to feel like summer.

another gray/green damp saturday. i really don’t mind, since we are staying home. the extravagance of a weekend car and overnight in an inn didn’t seem wise this weekend, even though our “extravagances” are modest. instead i want to spend the weekend at the artTable and dim light and cool air is best for that when the artTable is in a non-insulated porch room with two big skylights. this week i became determined to work in the evenings when i came home, even though i have been frustrated by doing the same work (preparing books for questionable purposes) over and over. i *need* to work on things i can actually sell. i *want* to work on paintings. big ones. but the books are easy and mindless, so i keep doing them.

on the evening of determination, i went to my studio after dinner. i had not one idea. i could not find the pictures in my head. but i made myself stay there and did not allow myself to pick up a book in progress. my poet wandered back and i wanted to kill him, poor man. i didn’t want anyone to share my state of extreme frustration, one that i could not put into words. besides i didn’t want to talk i wanted to MAKE. finally some of the pictures came back and i started piddling on some new small pieces. i started to like them. then i couldn’t sleep i had so many ideas … so i am working on things again and will soon show. i will put some samples on etsy, but mostly i think i will have my own gallery on my site.

i thought about many things during that frustrating evening and i realized how much i need privacy and solitude when i am trying to begin work. my studio does not have a door and i am not very good at voicing my needs, but we did talk a little about it later in the week. i realized that lack of space is not the only issue about not making big paintings again. it is also lots of FEAR … and also because i am so intimidated and insecure about Big Painting, that i need total privacy, which is not possible in the house, really … i mean i don’t even want anyone to walk in and LOOK when i’m not here … oh i don’t know. maybe these are just excuses.

i also want to sew some skirts.

and my camera really likes this gray light. even though she is bored of rainy alleys…