sky & branches : early march : haskell-baker wetlands, lawrence ks
it has been a little quiet in the artSpace of cobaltika this week. some end-of-season blues, allergies, sleeplessness, etc. sure, the coming of spring is exciting, but there are some sweet things of winter to be missed.
like tree branches.
i have been admiring and photographing them every time i go out.
i guess for some people, early spring is an energetic time, blood flows more smoothly, bodies lighten up. i think it must take me a while to thaw. this week has been awful with sleeplessness, anxiety and zero energy. it is rather depressing. in fact, i went to the Merc yesterday to buy some GABA, hoping that will help. maybe i should get some valerian, too? last night was a little better, but it took FOREVER to fall asleep. i know part of it is about travel anxiety, because we were to go on a little roadtrip this weekend and into next week, but i know it is more than that. maybe it is just seasonal…i *like* being cozy and hidden away indoors and under layers of clothing in the winter and it is very hard to “come out” in the spring. and the time change. bleh.
regardless, i think i have worried us out of our trip and we may only take a little weekend jaunt instead. i don’t even *like* arkansas (except for the interior of eureka springs, where we can’t go, for reasons i won’t go into now), it gives me the creeps, and i was having dreadful visions. but it was south and close, and there are state parks. yet i keep shuddering every time i think of going there. i guess i’m a big baby. or maybe i should just pay attention and forgive myself. i would rather go to the prairie and to some of the little towns out there i have never seen. or save money to go somewhere really wonderful (italy!)
and needless to say, i have not been near my artTable this week. every evening, come home, whine a little (poor poet), dinner, read, sleep try to sleep. no digging in the garden either. ugh. come back, energy. please?
i realized i had not shown any of it for some time - this year’s “journal about nothing” - but i *have* been working in it off and on. sometimes if i sit down with it, dull and drained at the end of the day, i feel i have at least done *something* artful. yesterday, my friend traci came over to clip and glue with me, after a short photoWander, and i found myself working with color, which usually unnerves me. i normally work pale and grungy. but she is very inspiring. color is HARD.
yesterday when traci came over to play, i had no interesting project going on, so i just worked in this year’s visual journal while we chatted. her stuff is so inspiring that i found myself playing with COLOR - and black. so NOT pale grungy me, but it was so much fun. i think color is incredibly hard to use. off and on, i pull out my paints and try, but wow. HARD.
in this year’s journal, i started out writing and trying to be normal, but finally gave up and just made it a glue-shit-down type of journal. it seems to be about nothing, but when you work intuitively, truths appear.
sunday morning 10am and i am still sitting in my nightie in front of the iMac. lethargic and inert. i’m sure there are many things i *want* to do today, but … so lazy! the time change always screws me for a while. probably more digging will be in order today. god it is hard work to dig up grass. even if it has not fully come back yet. i now have a black patch about 4 feet by 12 feet, so i *can* get started at least. is it too early for spinach, french breakfast radishes and mesclin? arugula? but i want to fill the whole side yard with stuff eventually. it’s not *that* big a space, but i only have about a quarter done.
friday was a productive day, but yesterday was fairly lazy. i didn’t even go out for errands with my poet. he went too early! but i did dig and do some laundry. traci came over and we wandered for a while. she brought me a new yellow plastic camera from the dollar store! i can have a new nailpolish camera to replace the one that was crushed in the ice fall! she had a bright pink one. we dangled them on our wrists as we wandered. then we came back to my house and had cold white wine and glued shit down and the poet offered astrological advice. later a film “Primo”, which i could just not figure out, but enjoyed watching as it all seemed cross-processed and sometimes grainy. thank god it was short. reading in bed. sleep.
today is grayish and warm. i can still see the eldridge hotel through the tree branches, but i know the time is short. i will miss tree branches. i miss my girls, too. i might have spring fever.
today i am having a mental health day. i don’t think i have had one since my poet moved in i don’t think i have been home alone for a few hours since my poet moved in! oh!
but i have felt tired and cranky since returning from texas, so i need this. i will do some errands and spend most of the day at the artTable. i have new things in my head and it would be good to use a block of time and get started on them. then picking up after work is easier. it is so hard to *start* after work.
last evening i came home and did the strangest thing. i got my shovel and went into the backyard and started digging. it seems i am making a garden this year. it is frightening, because in the past, every time i make a garden, i end up moving. i still have a year on my lease. and maybe i will stay here until my allotted time at the office is finished. three or so more years. i rather dread moving, even though my cottage is too expensive, i love it. we are comfortable here. if this house were *mine* i would probably settle down. but i want my own arugula and basil and tomatoes. so i dig. and zinnias. that will keep me motivated.
it is rainy this morning, so that should keep me out of the yard and at the artTable, right?
i am still feeling a little disconnected, so writing feels awkward. it seems i think in pictures mostly and have not practiced with words, so must have become flabby. i sit here and pick a fingernail, so it must be time for more coffee. onward.
enFuego : beeswax mezclado painting with personal photographs : 8 x 10
i returned from texas with another box of artwork, some items unsold from my sister’s now-closed gallery in fredericksburg. should i just take it down to the basement? or …
put it all on ETSY and offer it to the world?
right! items listed daily.
and to those who have looked and shopped … THANK YOU!