cobaltika

waking at 5 on a weekday morning and getting an hour or so extra to poke around is one thing, but on the weekend … it is *not* really appreciated. nonethless. here i am. wide awake, wrapped in my blanket, tapping away in the dark. then i will go move some paint around on a canvas maybe. i’ve been spending some time at the artTable, but still not translating stuff in my head to visibility. sometimes i just want to quit. it is so hard.

random thoughts always come to mind upon awaking before arising. this morning:

1. i haven’t made *any* images this week. NONE. weird.

2. there is no way i could meditate. my mind is never quiet.

3. the girls. assorted worries and wonders and wishes.

4. disappointment more extreme than i presented yesterday when i re-packed my coat to send back to LLBean. i had looked forward to it for a year. a black parka with fleece lining and thinsolate. *finally* a NEW allMINE warm coat that is not my $5 1950’s manCoat from Goodwill that i have worn for 5 years. before that i had two of Betsy’s reject coats. the new coat SUCKED. first it was made in Taiwan and the sizing was similar to poor quality slave shop garments. cheap small cut that made me feel sausage-y and claustrophobic. sleeves just a tad too short. the zipper questionable. the worst though, was the noise - squick slick scrick as i walked through the house. YUK. i HATE noisy clothing. no Supplex for me. so back it goes. as does the new tightblackskirt (the other almost tissue thin now), which in the same size, was too large! well, no wonder. it was made in El Salvador. the two long sleeve Tshirts were good. i kept. they were made in Peru. also kept the purple snowboots! oh! i wonder where *they* were made.

sad that i can no longer depend on LLBean for good quality staples.

all i want is a black, SOFT parka, with lots of zipper pockets. i wonder if i shall ever find…

5. coffee.

november is flying past so quickly. i can’t keep up. really. but daily life continues to move slowly. i am learning that can be a good thing. peaceful, in fact. i am a little less distressed by the time change, although still waking WAY too early. have found a fairly comfortable rhythm for coming home, without being sluggish at 8pm. (whew) i am working on many projects, either behind the scenes or in contemplation, but still keeping hands busy and messy. right now, making the tiny art for encounteredArt release. but i am almost over that for a while and will have a good stash to keep in my pockets. i *do* want to make some “special” pieces to take with me to Texas and Boston in the next month. ha. scattering treasure across the country in my path. check your local highway rest stops! ha ha.

i think i have generated a certain quantity of endorphins thinking about travelling. i get so restless here. my poet teases (i think?) and says i am a spendthrift, to travel when i can barely pay my bills, but i MUST. how else will i see my girls, my family, Different Things??? it feels essential. damn the debt load anyway. the travelling also comes at my busiest time of the year with the magazine, *and* just before the medieval art history final. aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! (wheeeeeeeee!)

friday again. and a holiday. but i am working and earning time-and-a-half. i will NEED it!

#36 : november 2006 - one of 10. each unique.
altered photo, tissue, paint image, found text, eyelet

i have gone back to the smaller pieces and am very happy with these. but … are they in my pocket ready to be released this morning? NO! they are lounging on the artTable!. oops. i will get the hang of this, i’m sure, eventually. one more similar set in progress, which i will finish and then i am inclined to work BIG this weekend. then a set of pieces for travelling, which will be great fun … to leave across the country.

did i not write all weekend? jeez, how am i going to remember my life? i wasn’t *that* busy. in fact, i don’t think i was busy at all? was i? what did i do? friday: come home from office, drink a (big) glass of wine, popcorn for dinner and … don’t tell me i have already forgotten? oh! Antonioni - L’Avventura. GREAT. i’m starting to wonder if i want to study Italian next semester (someonepleasestopme…). read (Cold Mountain) for a while. sleep.

saturday: wake too early. work on archives and mess with website stuff in nighties. drink lots of coffee. study artHistory. eat yogurt. have bangs trimmed and food shopping with my poet. home. study more. laundry. not even take a walk all day. make a sauce of spinach, walnuts, parmesan, garlic, sundried tomatoes and tomato sauce for Boca fake-italian-sausage for dinner. eat it with a baguette and little mozzarella balls. (YUM) study more. long happy convo with margaret, who was also pretending to study on saturday night. another movie (iMac theatre is *so* popular at our house) - Wings of Desire (*finally* i see the whole thing through and love it. i used to always fall asleep during slow or foreign films, if my hands were idle. now i don’t.) read. worry a little about my poet, who is *still* sickish. sleep.

sunday: repeat first of previous paragraph (with the addition of a long email to betsy) until perhaps “eat yogurt”. replace with the making of blueberry pancakes for my poet, with scrambled eggs and Morningstar fake-breakfast-sausage for breakfast. a long walk at the Fitch preserve and an exploration of The Old House, which is now accessible, since the stinging nettles have died, a walk around my neighborhood with the JoyCam, wasting some film. home. pretend to study, but really dick around at the artTable. make dinner (yes, i’m a cooking demon this weekend) - acorn squashes stuffed with wild rice, smoked tofu, walnuts, parmesan and onion and herbed beets from the Merc deli (no way i like to cut and cook beets. they are too messy!) oh. mi. god. it was so good. i felt so proud. more studying. read. sleep.

of course there are details missing and there were some pictures made, etc. but basically. yeah … quiet. tame. peaceful. all good if i leave out some of the crap in my head! this morning, back to the grindstone, walking to work in a foggy mist, always a good dreamy activity. and that is all for now…

a visit to the old house again.

it was way too dangerous to go in, but at least one could poke all around this time without getting STUNG by the nettles.

as much as i love the good food my poet makes me for dinner, sometimes i would rather just come home and put on my rags and grab a cup of tea or glass of wine and go straight to the artTable. now that it is dark so early, it seems there is even less time for art after the office. i would like to reconstruct my energy, but i can’t seem to get past 9 or so without shutting down and looking for a book, unless i am *really* involved in something.

last night was one of those and i worked happily without dinner for several hours. when i was hungry, i ate … ok. potato chips! i finished the next set of encounteredArt, only 9 for next week, 20 seemed very many and was rather stressful. i just don’t go that many places. i also finished my small art for Visual Aids - Postcards from the Edge. yay! last year i forgot the deadline and was very sad, because i have done the show for about 4 years. i LOVE the piece for this year. i have scanned it, but think it best not to display until after the show. beeswax on it! mmmmm. i realize it is hard for me to make a singular piece of art. working in multiples or sets, or groups, is more exciting and makes more sense (to me).

i am so glad for friday.

#29 : november 2006 : 1 of 9 : photographs, tissue, found text, clippings

a new set of small art ready to be released this first weekend in november! only 9 pieces this time, 20 was TOO MUCH. i loved making them, but trying to release them when i really am not out very much, was complicated. on an ordinary weekend, i don’t go very far… besides, i don’t want to make this my whole life! ha. it *is* very pleasurable to have a project though, and i am already contemplating a year-long project starting in january. still in the thinking stages, so i won’t blabber about it.

these pieces are larger than the first ones, whole photos altered with tissue, paint, clippings and found text. PLUS - beeswax! i had the pot heated for another small work in progress (Visual Aids - Postcards from the Edge), so decided to keep going with it. then i sprinkled with aqua glitter. but i have a feeling that it did not really adhere to the wax. oh well. good try! part of this project is also about Experimentation. a chance for me to try new things.

i realized last night that i have many small pieces “in progress” - things i was experimenting with, etc. i am happy now to be able to complete and release these little pieces. i will have hundreds! (insert mad cackle) the next step to this project is now seeming quite feasible.