cobaltika

how silly. the new iMac takes pictures. of course, the subject must be directly in front of the little lens on the monitor. i think it is a little scary. there is also a pinhole where my voice could go in. a little creepy. not to mention gruesome quality. i am not interested in video chat. and i will not use it for selfportraits, thank you. but i will move the computer chair away and make an image of the studio space behind me. now nice and tidy, ready for work. i should have drawn a sewing machine on the empty table. visualization!! those are gobs of cameras hanging on the right. and those are books to whack and destroy in the shelves. and other artStuff. all the fabric things are in the basement packed away. maybe i will finally scan some things this weekend? i should probably put some stuff on that big empty wall? no. the space is small and it will seem claustrophobic, i think.

it has been rainy and gray and cold all day long. i have not been outside. i think this is the first day that the poet and i have stayed in and together since we have known each other? we have not murdered or tortured one another in this small cottage. i have been working on the magazine, laundry, some chores, putting my art space back together, eating and messing around with cemetery photos. i’m afraid i should have sprung for another gig of RAM in this thing. photoshop CRASHED. that has not happened in forever.

i have had so many things in my head all day, but they do not want to come out of my fingertips. i am almost glad about that. i have been reading old stuff, as i archive it, and feel i have been very self-absorbed and noisy for years. it is a little embarrassing. but a pretty good document nonethless. now back to work. i want a movie tonight. we will test this iMac and the remote thingy. Bread and Tulips! finally!

going away for even a day, only 30 miles away, was refreshing. it was gray and dreary, not the best light for kansas city, for sure, but we had a great day nonetheless. sliver was packed and sent to betsy first, so that was out of my hair. i don’t know why Mailing Things is so stressful for me? first to the Kemper, met mi poeta’s amigo (sans baby and wife today … waaaah. i like them TOO.), looked at sanditz and fujita, neither of which i was crazy about, but that is ok, one always learns something by looking. then yummy lunch in the cafe, to mi poeta’s appointments, passing a large cemetery on the way, which i decided to go see while he was busy. found it was the Union Cemetery, where i had been before, but made driveby shots anyway. went back, found him, to Costco (avocados, blackcurrant/blueberry juice, tiny peppers, mozzarella and MORE) and our favorite thrift store (brand new polaroid close-up camera and a hair straightening iron for $3!!). to a Real artstore (one sheet of Arches hot press for transfers, some Golden matte medium instead of the nasty Liquitex, two odd colors of tissue - shopping online is my only option now as i despise Hobby Lobby, it is a wonderful treat to go to a Real artstore and touch and see). a walk in a big park and then to the movies - yes again - Heading South. hmmmmm. odd. then home in the dark. it was good.

now it is back to the grindstone, but look. friday already!

(image background texture from triberadio. always wonderful.)

another too-early awakening. i’m not worried or anything, just can’t stay asleep. during the day i don’t feel tired or sleepy. oh well. i’ll catch up sometime. maybe i just wanted to get up and put on my flannel nightie and sit in the dimlight with coffee and king tubby purring and licking next to me, typing away on my pristine white keyboard. i’m not quite used to the new setup yet, but i will be. no work today. it is the day we rent a car and go to kansas city for my poet’s appointments. sure he could go alone, but i like to go away TOO. and since we need a mid-week car this month, we could not also have a weekend one. lawrence is sweet, but frequent escape is necessary. next month will be texas and i can hardly wait. both girls and all my family. so glad. i have been having big girl-missing attacks this week. sometimes nearly to the point of tears.

so far i have not put my artSpace back together, beyond the new table for the computer. i flipped the artTable around and lo and behold! there is now room for a smaller table too! i see a small sewing machine in my future…but i would like to at least get the paper and paint space back together. maybe this weekend? ha. no. it is magazine weekend. so far this week has been arthistory-paper-writing and movie-going (The Science of Sleep last night … GREAT! we were both delighted.) tonight might be too-tired from kansas city, tomorrow night the magazine begins. sigh… oh well. money is good. right?

for a couple of weeks i have been working on archives, but i’m not sure how i am going to do them, or if. i do want to keep the last 5 years of my life in one place somehow, even though there are entries that will never see the light of day again while i live, but there are some technical glitches that irritate me so that i can’t make them look the way i want. i am surprised how many words i used to have. i don’t like to whine anymore and so many of those were whining words, from a miserable heart. it was a trip to go through all of them. i am surprised how so much is the same. yet i am surprised how quickly the girls grew up and left and made everything different.

more coffee…

still an architectural structure, but not a HOUSE, at least. i am almost boring myself to tears with my image subjects lately. but for some reason, i am drawn to architectural elements and found objects, man-made things, etc. much more than natural things. yes, i have loved learning to play with a camera in wild places this summer, but i wonder if i will ever prefer wandering with camera in a rural field instead of an edgy urban alley? oh well. variety is good.

it is rainy, cold and bleak today. for some reason i am missing my girlies BIG and wish i could go home and find them there. even with the TV blaring and the kitchen a mess. i wouldn’t mind at all. not today. but my poet will be there and i am glad for that. he is not messy! and we don’t have TV. our homelife is pretty serene. but sometimes i miss the … Rowdiness. so much. i will walk home and find cozy clothes, eat my good dinner, write my medieval art history paper, ready the laptop for betsy. then read. then sleep. it feels like winter is beginning … already. soon i will be snapping houses in the snow …

the iMac came yesterday morning. i spent the waiting time moving stuff around in the studio to make a better space for it and changing the artTable, too. new things require new arrangements? well, it is a good excuse. and for nearly the last day and a half, except for sleeping a little and two small walks, i have been in front of two computers. UGH! so why am i sitting here writing this instead of being flat in the bed with The Corrections? or being nice to my poet? because i am a GEEK that is why! i want to see what it feels like to write here. the thing is sweet as candy, for sure. but so … BIG. it is only a 17″, but that seems mighty big after little Sliver, the powerbook. god i will miss her. i will miss having a laptop. even though i have not written or worked in my bed or my big chair for months, the flexibility of knowing i had a choice was sweet. but this will be so much better for my back and of course, the price was MUCH better. now to clean up the book and get it to (lucky!) betsy…i think everything is working on this now and i can rest. i can’t believe how much stuff i have saved in the last 2 years … the images. jesus.

her name is paleTabitha. she is gorgeous.

i hope i don’t get paint on her too quickly!

friday 13 is pretty good for me.

i forgot to bring/send home the photofiles from work (pencam and jamcam images may only be downloaded there). i have been working with them this week. cleaning stuff out. good god. i felt like i had not played with images all summer, but i couldn’t believe all the stuff. wow. more local houses than you can imagine. so no house picture today! ha ha.

it is fall break and has been very quiet in the office the last two days. that is nice. i’ve been sort of a slob. working on some journal archives. so i feel in a time warp of sorts. living 5 years ago. i can’t believe the things i used to write. in public. i am putting them out again, but i’m not sure for how long. i really want to get my document all in one place. or stop altogether. but it is so interesting to see the progression. and remember all those details. the ultimate contrast of joy and misery. gasp.

and now home. the poet is beautiful in his periwinkle corduroy shirt that i gave to him this morning, found in the basement. a junkstore find that i’m sure i only brought home for the color. he tells me of the two butterflies he saw today and with his long slim fingers, points to them in his book. i love the Morning Cloak … with the sapphire spots. i wish i had seen them too! then i write here for a little while, with my glass of wine. he starts the stir-fry. my job is to cut the vegetables, so i do. then back here, then EAT. mmmmmmmm.

everything is different and sweet now. a little silly. like … why does he have on that knit cap? it is not *that* cold in the house! oh. it is his company cap … we await traci and jason, she must claim her free books … silly. it looks like a chemotherapy cap to me, as if he were shy about hair loss. we have joked, but he still wears it! silly silly! and now he has brought a cap for ME. with wonderful colors! (but i am *not* wearing a cap! it’s not cold!)

and then. i called to find out about some kind of personal insurance for betsy today. found out, that as a dependent, she is covered under MINE. jesus. that means … The Robbery … we can have some help with replacements! pretty thrilling. i have ordered the new iMac and it comes soon, so i can send her my Sliver, my t-book, and her dad has essentially bought the t-book for her, so it wasn’t going to be *too* bad, that new purchase, but WOW … maybe i can pay it off!!! i am trying not to think about how much i will miss having a laptop. even though i seldom take my book and write in my bed or my big chair … at least i had the option. now i won’t.

i can’t believe i have been doing this thing for over 5 years. writing this stuff.

other things seem to have slipped from my mind.

today is much better. luckily if i get cranky or a little depressed, it doesn’t seem to last for long. i am pretty content for the most part. whew. i *have* been trying to battle the Sameness. walking different routes in the morning. taking different cameras. *trying* for different shots, but it seems like every image i have made in the past few months is a HOUSE. WTF? at least here is a different house. it is stark and not vintage. maybe it is an apartment building? i can’t remember. i *am* seeing new things.

and still i battle the artTable. last night after an interesting dinner of pork chops (actually tofu cooked in a pan, which was another battle … trying to eat it! oh i love the dinners of my poet, but a slab of tofu … i just could NOT! i lost!), butternut squash and steamed chard, i staggered to my space. new stuff had come from MisterArt (jugs of Golden Soft Gel, more gluestick and foam brushes and a couple of new paints and a glaze to try), so i was feeling a little adventurous and started working on 4 canvas boards … NOT books! hooray! i wonder if i can do it?

the office is like a tomb today. it is fall break and no one is here, except for another quiet person in her office. i am alternating between braindead work and some play (shhhh), listening to RadioDavidByrne on iTunes. god it’s good. every. single. piece. i wonder if there is a playlist? i wish!