cobaltika

this is a reminder that *yes* i *really* do want to go to the cemetery directly after work and make eerie sunset blurry photographs. i haven’t been to my own cemetery in so long. it was a halloween ritual for a while. and i will be home in time to pass candy to tricksters *and* walk the neighborhood. who cares if another cold front blew in last night? that will only make it Better! the landscape here is stunning right now though and i wish to be out with my camera every minute. the trees. migod. and even though the early darkness is very disconcerting, walking home last evening, among those trees … with the cotton candy sky peeking through. oh. my.

the weekend was fairly quiet, with ordinary things occurring. kitchen floor cleaning, artTabling, errands, the like. some outside hikes, calm ones, as my poet is still malingering. ugh. stupid flu. i hope i resist. saturday along the river. sunday to the swamp. where i decided only to take the little olympus XA camera, no digital. what a dummy. we saw a BIG black snake wadded by the path, a toddler possum pretending sleep in a tree limb, we could go close, beautiful grasses, perfect sky … wonderful things. snap snap snap goes the little camera … film not advancing at all. OH WELL.
i feel quieter than usual, with less words, because i have been working on archives, putting them all together in one place (*not* here … as i am not sure i really want them public. definitely not all of them) and i am in a state of horror at how naked and explicit i was for a couple of years. how prolific. one would think i did not have a life beyond online journalling. and that is certainly not true. anyway. that.

onward. witching day!

ok, there is ONE piece left. this has taken longer than i thought it would. unfortunately, the remaining piece is one that i particularly liked (i have tried hard not to peek and think when releasing), so thoughts of hoarding have arisen. no no! i will just put it in a very special place. this project has taken longer, because i realize i *really* am not out in the world very often or far, except for when travelling. perhaps another benefit of encounteredArt will be that i force myself out of my usual path.

the next set is already in progress. these are recycled from new years greetings i meant to send out in early january, but did not have enough money for stamps, put them aside and then FORGOT until i moved my studio months later. BAD! the spirit of new year wishes has unfortunately already left them, so they are being recreated. they are bigger than the first set, at 4 x 6 inches, which might be a little awkward for my pocket, but they will definitely be more noticeable!

however, i am thinking that i will make the following set even smaller than the first, and keep them with me at all times as i wander. i have some thoughts of sending sets to acquaintances afar to see whether they would like to help release? and i have some curious ideas about mailing things too… oh what fun!

an excerpt from my journal last night, after arriving home from my first release mission:

“i think it was a little awful. i really want to be generous, but i felt quite very incredibly terribly uncomfortable releasing art. fuck. i loved each of those little pieces and almost cried each time i left one, wondering if anyone would want it, or if it would be scooped into a trash. i only scanned 3 of them, because part of the plan was just Letting Go … without attachment. and then i felt quite bad for leaving them in galleries, as if i was trying to show off or something. but no. that’s just where i was tonight. it all seems very awkward. i’m sure i think too much and worry too much. hell. they are just pieces of bad photos, tissue and cut-up text with shiny copper ink stamped on.”

as it turned out, there was No Way that i left 20 pieces of art last night. maybe 10? it was much more awkward than i imagined it would be, almost as if i were doing something sneaky and Bad. and there was also that odd sadness. something i am also trying to release in this project, as it leads to a tendency to hoarding and lack of generosity. i mean, you should *see* all the stuff i have made and don’t feel is good enough to sell, or i don’t know *how*, so it just sits in boxes in the basement until it loses its sweet energy. terrible! some of it is really beautiful.

today was easier, as i continued, my pockets full of art everywhere i went, completing mundane errands. i did find that i was absolutely unable to release a small piece in Walgreens, as my poet purchased cough medicine. i just couldn’t. battling what felt like a prejudice, i made sure to leave a piece in Checkers! still a bit of anxiety, but not as much sadness. it is interesting to see how even a small and quick piece can feel very precious. i hope someone will love them.

well that was weird.
tonight was gallery walk in our little town, on the eve of artWalk weekend, which i have not participated in for two years. last year i did not go to the associated gallery walk even (i don’t think?). but tonight i met traci and her boy downtown and we gallery walked. or. whatever. my poet has been sick for a week and did not feel like being out in the cold night. (oh i missed him)

i was engaged in a new project. one i have thought about, but finally began this week.

it is here.

i think it was a little awful. i really want to be generous, but i felt quite very incredibly terribly uncomfortable releasing art. fuck. i loved each of those little pieces and almost cried each time i left one, wondering if anyone would want it, or if it would be scooped into a trash. i only scanned 3 of them, because part of the plan was just Letting Go … without attachment. and then i felt quite bad for leaving them in galleries, as if i was trying to show off or something. but no. that’s just where i was tonight. it all seems very awkward. i’m sure i think too much and worry too much. hell. they are just pieces of bad photos, tissue and cut-up text with shiny copper ink stamped on. i know. i will make a picture tomorrow. now it is late and i am headachey and tired. we DRANK! and i came home and had my poet’s soup, but he has gone to sleep and i can’t talk. no wait. i hear coughing! he is still awake! maybe he will listen…and my eyes *are* heavy…

well. anyway. i guess it was all fun. i actually saw three people i knew. and traci and her boy were good fun.

everything in this town has changed so much.

oh never mind. here is one of the little pieces. i forgot that the scans are ready.

the actual size is about 4 x 3 inches. they are sweet.

#19 : october 2006 : 1 of 20 : photographs, tissue, found text, clippings

#1 - #20 will be released in lawrence kansas this last weekend in october 2006.
this project is put together in haste, before i could listen to the dictates.
soon this site will be set up like a blog. perhaps some discoveries will be reported!

a fairly peaceful week here. moving along quickly. sometimes it seems as if the *day* in the office will never end, yet suddenly i realize it is already … thursday. and time is really moving terribly quickly. this week has been very autumnal and beautiful. mi poeta had a birthday this week. i am not big on traditional celebrations and he has no expectations that i *will* be, but we had a sweet evening. we had dinner downtown at Indo, which, no matter if it is the same or not, is *not* as tasty as Pochi. he had his first bubble tea! we came home and watched a slick made-for-BBC-tv video and ate chocolate brownies which i actually made. and he can now purchase a stack of poetry books at half-price books, come home and eat organic chocolate with rosehips while he reads in his kissmyface bubble bath.

otherwise, i am spending a good deal of energy resisting a bladder infection (yuk!) and pondering the fact that i have not shown any art in my journal or updated my site this entire year. yes i know … photos out the butt, and i love them, but somehow they are just not the same as *handwork*. i am taking mental stock of the work i have done this year and realize it is almost all book art. 3 books to completion, 2 which were gifts for the girls. the rest prepared books or some type of gluebook. i keep thinking i should scan them. why am i so lazy about that? (because scanning is tedious and it is more fun to glue and paint!). yes, i have done a bit of work on paper or canvas, but it is in the corner waiting to be worked over. worthless stuff. i have many projects and ideas in my head. i am always visualizing. but of course it is the same old story … by the time i get home yada yada doo … i have also been doing (too) much surfing and finding much inspiring stuff. in fact, i am often amazed. i need to update tesoros badly. but i think i want to change the system. i love this little journal, it is simple and clean and easy to work with. i am also thinking of updating my whole art site. it is a million years outdated.

encounteredArt is a project that has been contemplated for some time. sharing art and images online via the web has been lovely and i will continue to do it, but sometimes one longs for a more tangible sharing. group projects are sometimes fun, but often frustrating, if all units do not work in cooperation. there are artist trading cards, a method of direct trade, but i found the “rules” a little too rigid. last year i initiated a rebelArtCard project, wherein i was happy to send small off-sized art to those who wished, almost 200 people! i did not expect “trade” or return, but instead wished for the receivers to send their own small art to a suggested (or *any*) other. the project did not unfold as i hoped it might. perhaps i was too vague.

found art projects are not new. the leaving of art, flyers, posters in unexpected places, or the use of alleys as a public “free” gallery (not always legal, ha ha!) is a form of guerilla art that has been around for quite a while. though i am doing nothing innovative, this is a beneficial personal project of release for me, resisting the dictate that i must only make art “to sell”. and a small mutiny against a world where monetary value reigns, generosity without gain is questioned and where adherence to the status quo is preferable to unique exploration.

my work contains no direct political or social message. however, i might hope that those who encounter and keep the work may contemplate and wonder. giggle, too! the fragmented images and messages seem ludicrous, upon superficial viewing, but may whisper in a language nearly forgotten. one from a time of childhood or beyond, where magical thought and an innocent strangeness prevailed and anything might be possible. perhaps these small messages may reach beyond the fragmented images and messages received from the media of today’s desperate world, which are also ludicrous (but dangerous), into a layer of self where exists an ancient morality and a delight in individuality and free thought. where anything might be possible.

pondering is a good beginning.