home and duller than dog-do. it was a grand and busy time, away. texas was gorgeous. brilliant skies, colored trees (not as fine as ours, but pretty good for texas), Family, Food, Fun. all hectic and exhausting but of course i would probably turn around and do it all again in a minute. ok. maybe. i’m a little peopled-out, and would like to just hole up alone for a couple of days. not allowed. after the 12-hour drive home on monday, had to sit down and write the artHistory paper. at least i had the articles read. then back to the office and class on tuesday. finally unpacked and slept last night and what day is it anyway? oh. and looked at the 300+ images made. ugh. ugh. so depressing. what is wrong with me lately?
words feel awkward, too. so tired and scattered. maybe i am losing track of myself. the interior self? the one who writes (rambles) and makes odd photos? i feel so exterior lately. maybe i should make a little list of the good and bad of being away? hmmmm. i can work on it throughout the morning. everything will be very out of order. just like my head.
GOOD:
01. driving away with the poet, a credit card and snacks
02. exploring oklahoma? hmmm. maybe i should have a so-so list.
03. not having to sit for 2 hours on the interstate *anywhere*!
04. SEEING THE GIRLS!!!!!!!
05. so that i don’t have to list it over and over : hanging out with familia
06. KATHY
07. the royal bedchamber
08. wallowing with the girls on the bigSofa watching braindead movies
09. clambering on limestone at Pedernales Falls State Park
10. hill country rivers, pools, creeks
11. my poet finding 15 species of butterflies on patricia’s rosemary hedge
12. the color of the sky for two days
13. betsy & kathy feeding pam’s chickens
14. cooking a protein feast for margaret, like when she was a cranky toddler
15. my poet recovering in the dry texas hillcountry air
16. finding out i don’t really care about pie. or sweets in general.
17. Maguey’s Cafe in Boerne
18. feeling lazy and happy
19. candles at the Fredericksburg Herb Farm
20. Austin Motel - even the cowboy room with red bedcover is forgiveable.
21. a bike helmet for margaret. & thinking her boy will require her to wear it.
22. hearing betsy & kathy playing (until the big crash…then waaaaaaaaah)
23. 4 ibuprofens, a glass of red and my flannel nightgown
24. jeans fitting even on the day after t-giving
BAD:
01. discovering that breaking a trip into 2 days just means 2 days of driving
02. the “detour” i took to avoid interstate 35 from north of Ft. Worth
03. extreme anxiety when someone else is driving (would drugs help?)
04. oklahoma. we tried. but … it just creeps me.
05. so that i don’t have to list it over and over : oversized pickups & SUV’s
06. so that i don’t have to list it over and over : rude & unconscious drivers
07. the obviously fatal accident just past Johnson City
08. the obviously fatal accident at the intersection in front of mother’s house
09. the obviously fatal accident of the big rig in OK
10. so that i don’t have to list it over and over : waving “bye”
11. traffic
12. not having time to see “the canyon” discovered by my poet
13. feeling lazy and fat
14. the part where the girls acted like donkeyAss toddlers
15. feeling torn & wanting to please everyone all at once & singlehandedly
16. Wichita (since i am not breaking this list into sublists, one word will suffice)
17. clothing dilemmas
18. snapping at my poet. more than once.
19. wishing for My Own Home and not being able to even imagine…
20. time passing too quickly
21. that coughing noise King Tubby makes after living outside for a week
22. leaving the dried mesquite bean & strange pod in the rental car
23. the photographs
24. a mild discontent
that’s enough i think. there could have been many more good’s. and i had to think hard on some of the bad’s. although probably traffic and population issues could have made an enormous sub-list. it is shocking and terrifying when going out into the world. how can it all continue?
