cobaltika

lurking behind me this dim rainy morning. a studio with 2 empty and clean tables. not even the jars of paintbrushes and mediums are put back. it is like a blank canvas. rather terrifying. hopefully the fear will be demolished some time today. it *is* a working weekend, however, production of the annual directory, which always falls in between the last two issues of the year. which feels like constant work every weekend. but the $$ is nice of course. and necessary.

i have thoughts in my head for what i want to work on now, but whether i will be brave enough to get out the materials and just DO it is unknown at this point. i stomp around and swear i won’t keep making the tiny things, but i know i will never stop. they are such good exercises. but it is not good to devote all of my time to them, thinking i will be able to sell them. there are quite a few pieces listed in my etsy store now and i am not sure whether i should keep listing new things or not. is there a saturation point? is it better not to have *too* many items in one’s shop? i know one is hit on more often with fresh listings, but good grief, there is just so much STUFF to see on etsy. and some of it is really really nice work. i have great lust when i go sightseeing … but it is also easy to feel invisible and insignificant there, too. so i don’t know…

did not hear back from the car people, so am not thinking about it any more. carry on. enough legitimate things to worry about this month. anyway, it is just fine to stay in and work and play all day. so rainy and cold. we must procure some food, but then right away. home!

after yet another painful and frustrating session of attempting to make paint do things, before giving up and going to lie in front of the fan and read, i looked into the bottom of the waterjar and realized *that* was what i was trying to do … or something like it.

yes, i will add golden crackle paste to my shopping cart at dickblick.

how silly. the new iMac takes pictures. of course, the subject must be directly in front of the little lens on the monitor. i think it is a little scary. there is also a pinhole where my voice could go in. a little creepy. not to mention gruesome quality. i am not interested in video chat. and i will not use it for selfportraits, thank you. but i will move the computer chair away and make an image of the studio space behind me. now nice and tidy, ready for work. i should have drawn a sewing machine on the empty table. visualization!! those are gobs of cameras hanging on the right. and those are books to whack and destroy in the shelves. and other artStuff. all the fabric things are in the basement packed away. maybe i will finally scan some things this weekend? i should probably put some stuff on that big empty wall? no. the space is small and it will seem claustrophobic, i think.

it has been rainy and gray and cold all day long. i have not been outside. i think this is the first day that the poet and i have stayed in and together since we have known each other? we have not murdered or tortured one another in this small cottage. i have been working on the magazine, laundry, some chores, putting my art space back together, eating and messing around with cemetery photos. i’m afraid i should have sprung for another gig of RAM in this thing. photoshop CRASHED. that has not happened in forever.

i have had so many things in my head all day, but they do not want to come out of my fingertips. i am almost glad about that. i have been reading old stuff, as i archive it, and feel i have been very self-absorbed and noisy for years. it is a little embarrassing. but a pretty good document nonethless. now back to work. i want a movie tonight. we will test this iMac and the remote thingy. Bread and Tulips! finally!