cobaltika

i could not be happier for this week to be finished. it seems i am back into the mode of living for the weekend. i do not like that. i try to maintain a pleasant state of mind on the weekdays, but the office time seems very long lately. i have been carrying cameras every day. mostly just to capture certain views of the most wonderful orange tree. and working at the artTable a LOT. maybe soon i will start to scan some of the pages of the books. they don’t make one bit of sense. they are just like collage sketchbooks or something. uniform and random at the same time. i’m trying to remember exactly what my poet said about them … not like sketchbooks, but some kind of preparatory work. i wish i could remember. he always says things so nicely. but that could be. if just i could expand upon them without getting all freaked out by the canvas. i don’t know. also it seems i am spending (or about to spend) a lot of money. hell. i don’t even know how i HAVE money. but i managed to buy betsy’s plane ticket from boston to austin for thanksgiving. and i am about to buy a new mac so i can give her mine to replace her stolen one. that all makes me nervous. since i spoke to my boss about the possibility of reduction of hours next year, i might be in some kind of hoarding mode, procuring things now knowing i won’t be able to next year. i wonder how long those big jars of Golden Soft Gel Matte will last? ha ha. i will be FORCED to find a new way to generate income. hopefully it will be something fun and creative? this is all just babble. bergman films are rather depressing. i still keep wanting to sew again. the end.

treasures are to be found when one finally manages to leave the house early enough to take a route that is not the fastest and also remembers to put new batteries in the pencam. marigolds! along with zinnias, my favorites! hundreds of them. i will go back with another camera this weekend. but the pencam was pleased this morning. as was i.

so happy for friday. even the friday of a working weekend.

good for me. i put that pencam around my neck this morning before setting out for the office. this bike is parked in the same place every day, by the stickery bush i go around to push the button to “walk” at the intersection where i nearly die at least once a week. everyone is in such a hurry. the pencam does odd things to metal at an early hour of the morning when the sun is peeking out. but i like.

now the weather is changing, i *really* need to be carrying a camera every. single. day. the same old scene along the same old route is being transformed by a fresh green-gold light every morning. there is absolutely no excuse for not hanging the little pencam around my neck. it surprises me. the way it captures. i have already seen a red leaf. but instead of taking a picture and leaving it for another to see, i brought it home in my pocket.

my poet is better this morning. (or he was when i left) i went to the Merc and brought protein smoothies, no-chicken noodle soup, mango sorbet on a stick and peaches. maybe that will make up for that dreadful dinner of last night. i do not feel better today, but i am trying not to take any more drugs, so i will bear the headache and the chest pains when coughing. oh boo hoo…!! i will take drugs for sleep though! i like them! mmmmm. fake nyquil!