cobaltika

spring rains, autumn leaves.
infant earthworms on the path.
such bad timing. oh!

it seems very long since i have written here. having a rather lumpish week, although i have been snapping merrily with the pencam every day and also working at the artTable, even minimally, every evening. i will finish those 31 collages and that pencam book, i WILL. i feel more determined than inspired. i am so tired of my work and rather disappointed with myself in general, lately. sometimes it seems as if the Something New is percolating, but after a day of lumping in the office, it all drains away. i do like this new top though. it is a dusty purple velvet thing from JJill that i found at the Austin Goodwill last summer. i am completely in love with it and today is the first time for wearing. it is quite autumnal here now. i have been using a Sundance catalog for glueing and every time i turn a page i want something on it. greed for long drapy skirts and important sturdy boots. little cardigans. normally i don’t want *stuff* so much, but i have had a longing for garments lately.

it will be a working weekend, but i will probably go out wandering a little. i have been using the new Diana+ (wheee!) but have yet to see any outcome, as it is such a fricking pain to get to the camera store to get the film developed. now they don’t develop on saturday, which is the only day i go out in the car to do errands. bleh. whatever. i feel almost desperate to have some kind of fun, but i am not sure exactly what i would find amusing. i guess that is enough self-absorbed rambling for this morning. friday. thankyoubabyjebus.

the daily pencam book. in progress. it is one of my artsomofo projects and it has been coming along very well. especially after yesterday. it is a little simple and naive, gluebookish, i guess, but i like it. i am not so pleased with the quality of the images (but jeez, they *are* pencams!), because i did not want to use heavy photo paper, as that would add far too much bulk to the book, so used ordinary paper. but when complete, i will finish all pages with dorland’s wax or varnish and that should brighten up the colors. anyway, it is fun.

i loved the storms and rain yesterday. it meant we had to stay in and not go out to do errands, as there is no window on the driver’s side and we can’t drive with black plastic on the window. i have some heavy clear plastic to tape on for winter, but we haven’t done it yet. a tedious chore to avoid for as long as possible. yes, it is tacky, but my car Saffire is a DNR car. she receives vital fluids and that is all. $250 for a new window is better spent on travel or artToys! but today i am already feeling a little restless and not only do i want some FOOD, i would also like to wander around a little with that new Diana+.

it is very fallish. there are leaves down everywhere.

yesterday my poet emailed this poem to me at work. it seems particularly relevant for this week.

Even if you can’t shape your life the way you want,
at least try as much as you can
not to degrade it
by too much contact with the world,
by too much activity and talk.
Do not degrade it by dragging it along,
taking it around and exposing it so often
to the daily silliness
of social relations and parties,
until it comes to seem a boring hanger-on.

As Much As You Can
Constantine P. Cavafy

nope. not blown to Oz. or gone down the muddy Kaw river. still here. still raining. small reprieve yesterday however. and actually saturday was QUITE lovely. we went wandering. found new small towns and made pictures. have tried to upload them for playing-with for a couple of days, but no luck. maybe tonight? looked at things and had a sweet time. on sunday, big rain, and i had to be pulled out of the house by my ankles practically. have rental car MUST go… so we did. even though it seemed a better day for books and the artTable. to kansas city. to the Kemper. a walk in the park during a lull. seeking goslings. more rain. to the movies. Black Book (good!!) then tapas at La Bodega. a sleepover in a vacant house. up in the morning, breakfast at a dive, medical errands, groceries at Wild Oats, then home to try to dry out the house and clean mold off the studio carpet. YUK. and then back to the grindstone. hi.

midweek. feels like it should have been friday yesterday. made about 6 dozen handmade bizness cards this week. (what will i do with them?) all week has been gray damp and springGreen. english weather (or irish?). except for monday, which was beautiful (and hot), and made escaping the office and walking to the dentist’s with my pencam a treat. 2.5 hours at the dentist was not a treat. no. i don’t want to write about it. i am just getting it all done, then paying. then *really* going every 6 months, like a goodGirl. daydreamy this morning. and sleepy. and very hungry already. eating is not much fun with a temporary crown. i’m so afraid it will come off. i am growing out my bangs and it is horrid. but i am *determined* this year. this is the week to worry most about betsy. mostly i just want my girls to be healthy and happy. why is it so hard? i wish i had a magic wand. i thought i had something else i wanted to write about, but it seems to be lost. this will be the weekend of the car. i want to go somewhere strange and make pictures.