i might change the way i look at them. and capture them.
or the color.
or the transformation.
but i will never get tired of them. never.
haha. i love to make broad statements like that sometimes.
everyone knows that libras change their mind constantly.
it makes life … so … confusing.
no doubt. the most Dam Fine weekend would be the one wherein one sits in a raggedy flannel nightgown at the end of it - with a glass of cheap red wine. the cat licking with relief at your presence. finally. with eyes near bleeding and bursting from the sights. with heart, mind and sensibilities cracked open. joyfully.
(drums in the park. birds fly away. trains clanking. dog-sized pigeons)
with no clean underwear for Monday morning. no soup frozen to take to the office for lunch (office?? huh??). carpet rather unclean. even sheets, my god. and unremembered dishes in the sink. only a vision of pale floating curtains from the deteriorated windowsills of an abandoned factory. candles somewhere. a plastic stackable chair on the dock. golden fish in the pond. a light laughing on the wind.
i have been to the city.
and it was good.
this is one of those images that doesn’t really mean anything. at least not to the viewer. somehow it makes sense to me, though, and pleases. i am still fairly enamored with my pencam (thank you jim … *still*). it is the only camera i have picked up this month. i am not depressed, but very very flat. as if someone is doping my coffee with prozac or something. i don’t feel much, beyond Tired. i do manage to feel discontent. mostly with the path of my life and my outlook in general for my prospects. something needs to change, but i cannot afford dramatics.
the last magazine of the year is now finished and i have a few giftie things i am finishing. then we shall pack and head to texas for a week. i am looking forward to that very much. if it is cold and rainy, however, i am going to kick things. we might even go to the coast and see birds! mostly i will just be glad to see my girlies and my familia.
i think i have finished listing on my ETSY shop for the year. i am so grateful for my new and old customers *and* for my new friend with whom i bartered some beautiful treasures that i can’t really mention as they are gifts and i don’t know if i still have any family stalkers here. i am very disappointed though, that i seem to have encountered my first two losses with the post office. one to england and one just up the road to kansas city. this makes me very sad, as the items were carefully chosen and there are no identical ones for replacement. perhaps they will arrive still, in good health. we *did* have “weather”, but not really enough for a good excuse.
there were a million things i thought i wanted to write when i walked up the hill this morning, with my tattered black scarf tied the way i saw on The Sartorialist, feeling so urbane. but now i am not in the mood for rambling so i’ll quit. sometimes i miss those nights of redWine drinking and endless keyboarding of my internal affairs. it was embarrassing, but somehow a comfort. like a release. anyway, never mind. i am NOT regressing back to that!! onward…
GO pencam! finally it was dry enough to walk to work without watching out for my feet and ice patches and blearyEyes students in SUV’s. there was even something resembling sun. so i loaded up the pencam before leaving the house. the pencam was delighted and found some interesting scenery. i almost felt like a creative person. instead of a big dreary BEAR. it is a little creepy to have already entered hibernation, even before the solstice. i have been fascinated by the deep sleep and amazing dreams already. it is difficult to wake in the morning. and i have NO inspiration at all. that part is depressing.
my $$ was finally returned to my account by Hertz. i called off the Visa fraudDogs, but had my debit card changed anyway. i am relieved, but still uneasy. that was all a shocking series of events for a fairly naive person.
we are forecast with 5 to 7 inches of snow tonight. i will believe it when i see it. but i wish…
i need a new vision. or something. i feel like i am sinking into sameness. and a certain sterility. there is a loss of joy, although a specific birdsong will bring a moment, or a smile from a happy poet, or a delighted daughter. those things. but the joy at the artTable, a most important one for me … where is it?
this week, i was searching for a particular artPiece i made ten years ago and came across a PILE of work from that time. all textiles. i brought it all upstairs and examined it, wondering if i should put some of the smaller pieces on ETSY. i was surprised to see how similiar it was to what i am still doing and was glad to note that consistency. i had tender feelings about that work. then by the time i went to sleep, i was thinking i should just burn it all.
i don’t know about anything lately. but i do know i am glad it is friday.
that’s enough for now.
it already seems like it is going to look and feel like this forever. deep Winter seems to have arrived *much* too soon and i am wondering where went the pleasantness and energy of beloved Autumn so quickly. the “ice storm” was somewhat of a disappointment, even though we allowed ourselves to be caught up in the frenzy and my poet went out at night (unheard of!) to acquire bread and chips, so if necessary we could live on peanut butter sandwiches and tortilla chips and water for days without power. clementines, also. needless to say (it is *never* as exciting in our town as anticipated), the university was not closed down and i had to skate to work next morning. ugh. the sidewalks are impossible, so one must walk in the street, which is just as frightening, with icy patches and students in grand vehicles in a great rush to get their fruited-up lattes before finals. ugh. i have not seen the sun for days. i don’t even know where my sunshades are. every day i feel like a russian peasant, dressed in the one black skirt that does not have static cling with tights and leggings, lumpy socks and clumpy boots. at least the tights are striped. and i *do* love my parka and my jolly hat with earflaps.
but for Three More Months?
i don’t know…
ps. don’t even ask me about art.
this snow is so nice, but sliding around on ice is *not*. i was afraid of wearing out my elfBoots too quickly, as i love to wear them so much, but i will never never never wear them again this winter unless it is perfectly dry out. UGH. they are so slippery. but i did not bust my ass. and i am so in love with my black Lands End parka, that i put off buying for two years, because i was afraid the fabric would be too scritchy and noisy. last year i just decided to give it a try after having horrid luck with finding a dreamParka and i was so tired of wearing my big soft oldMan’s coat with the holes in the pockets. the LE parka has the softest gray fleece inside, it is light, the fabric is waterproof, there are tons of pockets and it hardly scritches at all. it is cozy but not claustrophobic. i love wearing it!
thank you all for your nice comments and suggestions re: the Hertz thing. i really appreciate the support so much. the nightmare is not over, but i am trying to maintain a less panicked attitude. i don’t really believe in pulling out the guns and lawyers right away, i prefer to start on a human-to-human basis. so i am still in that mode, awaiting a promised refund, hoping he didn’t just say that to get me off his back for a bit. i am still carefully documenting each event and will use that document if i have to. mostly i just want it to be over with. negative confrontations gnaw me in a horrid way.
this weekend i am going to be at the artTable. DEFINITELY. i can’t wait.
and there are also many many new pretties in my ETSY shop. if you would like me to ship something to a friend for a gift, i will include a gift card for them *and* will also send YOU a gift! hey. i think i will go write that on my front page right now!
everything has been incredibly beautiful lately. i walk around gawking. thank goodness i acquired the habit of carrying the pencam last month, because now it is snap snap snap all the time. because of the time change, i am completely unsettled and can’t sleep past 5am. i have way too much energy (not so good in the slumbering fluorescent prison, but GOOD at home), sometimes to the point of edginess.
on the weekend, i finished so much fall cleaning and pulled out my cozy garments. cleaned up the garden, dug the herbs and put them in pots. did not art one bit, although i did clean up my space wonderfully. monday evening was evil. i didn’t know what to do with the energy, so i watched Picnic at Hanging Rock and chewed my cuticles. finally i got a grip and have cleaned up much web stuff and starting completing many small pieces of art that were in progress, etsied, and so on.
i feel hungry all the time.