cobaltika

i seem to have been doing most of my posting lately at artsomofo but i thought i would show this collage today because i like it. this is an interesting project, this forced exercise. i am probably taking the “committment” far too seriously, but i just wanted to see if i could do it. so far, so good. it is amazing what you can get done in less than 2 hours. especially if you have a plan, which i do. i have the bundle of paper “canvasses” prepared that are ready for collaging or painting. a box of junk and scraps and lots of jesus stickers to use. and the prepared book that i am pasting the daily pencam images in to make a finished picture book. sort of. i am noting that i am feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my poet, and feeling selfish, and i also feel like i am sort of wasting time, dicking around on exercises, instead of trying to discover my “true work” or my “personal style” which is beginning to seem a lost cause anyway. maybe i will always just be a dilettante.

lately i am a little obsessed with dwelling on the future, so the daily pencam exercise is good for keeping me somewhat present. i spent a bunch of $$ in texas and although i don’t regret a penny of it i wish i had more to pay on my debt. i wish i could get it together to get all that vintage junk out of the basement and photograph it and list it on eBay. but that sounds so tedious. this whole life is just feeling too circular lately. maybe that is why i am spinnyHeaded so often. i am glad it is friday. i shall guzzle some red wine and do my arty exercises and then watch a film with my poet. and two days of freedom!!

image missing, sorry

i am not exactly sure i want to be showing these yet (or ever). but sometimes you need to just throw things out in the world. upon clicking, there are a couple more on flickr. they are pieces in progress. recycled photos, papers, paint experiments, stamps (hey! one is a bonkers stamp!), clipped text tale, beads and etc. when they are finished, there might be stuff sticking out of the edges. they will probably have a hanging thing and become objects. sometimes i wish i could quit making small things and Just Get Big. but i am terrified. i alternate between liking these and hating them. being a libra is so difficult.

la vie en rose (la mome) was amazing. i was afraid it would be smarmy and my poet would be cranky about sitting in those uncomfortable seats at liberty hall to see it. but not, it was intense and stunning. when i told betsy she *must* see it, she said “oh i saw it in paris last summer, on the champs-elysees. without subtitles.” that girl!!!

i am so glad it is friday. and i am so glad i am going to texas next week!

181 white street : 8×10 beeswax collage on canvas

this might be one of the last whitish, over-balanced, waxed things i make for a while. of course never say never. i like it, but it seems so uptight. i am sending it to the WhiteOnWhite collective anyway, assuming i will find a large safe padded envy pretty damn soon. i like it but it feels so rigid. i am trying so hard to move away from that … structure. oh it is hard.

it is a good weekend and i am so happy that i still have tomorrow. all chores were done yesterday, so today and tomorrow are only about long walks, cooking and the artTable. and of course more reading. last night i stayed up until past 1am finishing a wonderful tale (Drop City). and some movies i found at traci’s when i was feeding the kitties and looking for shelby. this morning we took a long long walk in north lawrence. sure i had my camera. but i was not really inspired and the images tell. i realize i am no longer enchanted here, even with the almost-change of seasons. it is very sad. i try, but it feels so forced. i know my time here is done. my girls are gone. why am i still here? yesterday in the Merc, the little checker looked at my $$card and said “are you margaret’s mom?” and i felt so validated. i am their mom! i still am! today i made green chile stew, which was really more like soup, but good anyway, with bolillo and butter. of course we had no *real* bolillo, but i made do with a leftover baguette from the Merc. it is the time of year that you can smell chiles roasting in new mexico and i wanted to smell them in my house. i love roasting and skinning the chiles. and i have worked on a new book that i am excited about, but terrified i will ruin before i finish it. erf. but man i really like it…

i miss everybody.

i have been very quiet and very busy. going to the office every day, sure, but also working like a demon at finishing books, and scanning scanning scanning and making web galleries. it’s done enough to show. be afraid. there will be more.

in other news for the week, we have been eating like royalty, gazpacho, okra stew (hush. it’s DELICIOUS, especially with many herbs from the garden), 4″high cornbread with jalapenos and cheese, mango, etc. i am trying to buy more local foods, being greatly inspired by Animal Vegetable Miracle, which i am still reading.

in contrast, we experienced our first random act of meanshitheadedness. yesterday i went out to my car to find the driver’s window totally destroyed and fragments of glass everywhere inside the car. it was awful. poor old Saffire. she did not deserve that. it took an hour to clean her up. bloodied fingertips & mosquito bites. very very sad. at least there is nothing to steal and no rain in the forseeable future…

margaret has arrived safely in Taiwan. betsy will go this weekend. they are going diving in Malaysia with their dad. i miss them.

mostly it is just summer.

i didn’t go out past the backyard all weekend. it was great.

unfortunately my ass feels like it has quadrupled in size, after carTravel, sickness and feeling-too-awful-to-walk-to-work&home for over a week. today i walked up the hill to the office. it was hot, even this morning, but i didn’t mind really. i miss my walks.

even though i felt a little lethargic and sickish still, i got lots of fun things done. made two sets of images from texas, finished some collages, that i’m not sure i like, even if i add the silver sequins to them, completely finished two books (the small one taken to texas for busywork [ha ha], and the half-year journal), determined to work on something *not* a book yesterday, so worked on a collage so big it won’t fit on my scanner. gasp. it is interesting to note that i seemed to be regressing to the period of the big white paintings. i wonder what that is about? but i think i might like it. answered some but not all of my emails, was lazy with my poet, ate pretty good food, started (reading) two books and watched 3 movies. it was grand.

it was a good long weekend at home. we took some long walks. watched a movie from the library. ate pretty well (pesto from my garden!). i made a few pictures and read a book and missed the girls (the usual things). but most time was spent at the artTable feeling productive and happy. apparently at the same time wished i would “do something with those dragonflies”, i was transferring them to watercolor paper! great minds! the prints came out really well and i was quite happy with them. the digital prints are fine, too, but i believe i got too carried away with the object-making aspect of mounting them and they seem a bit busy.

i am *very* happy with the tiny mezclado’s though! image transfers of the garages and pointy houses with waxed chinese paper fringe! oooooooooo! i LOVE waxing paper. it has the coolest smooth feel. i have put these new things on etsy.

altered & embellished photo object : 4″ x 6″

so, yes indeed, i spent most of the weekend on my tail at the artTable. i was obsessed and extremely productive. now, of course, i am having sort of a downer and wondering about all the things i produced. it is funny. i block myself so well with my dictate of Trying To Make Things To Sell. can’t my fucking art have any value otherwise? can’t i just let myself make what i want sometimes? i love these new little pieces. they are very good. but they are not what i really wanted to make. i don’t mind having to work small right now, and i really love production and serial work. but i still want the work to be obsessive and extravagant in places. i love the contrast of pale and minimal with sporadic encrustations. but i stop. HEY. i can’t put all this work into a piece that i am going to (hopefully) sell on etsy for $20 shipping included!!!!

so there are no folded and waxed paper shred edges, or handsewn clumps of beads and vintage pearl buttons with GOBS of golden thread exploding … nope. not this time. but maybe someday.

regardless, the new things are quite nice. they are sturdy and have a good feel. the threads and shreds blow in the breeze. some are at etsy now and more will appear. (yes, i’ve learned the trick of spreading new listings out so they appear on the front page more often…) i still think about having my own web gallery again and have sort of been working on it, but i think i would rather spend the time in manual encrustation actually.

i didn’t make any new skirts. i did drag myself out of the house with miss jemima one time. it is starting to feel like summer.