cobaltika

it is turning into a releasingClearingout-type day here. the paintings that i thought to rejuvenate, i have decided to deconstruct. the good parts are cut out, the rest of the canvas removed from the stretchers and into the black trash bag. not all of them. some i decided to keep. one i am contemplating. the others though … GONE. it really feels good. i have also released the domain name “reconstructed-mind” which was my old whiney journal for 5 years. i still have all the archives, of course (safely stashed away). what else? oh!

etsy. i am going to be doing some clearing out there now, too. so if there is anything under consideration, one might want to go for it. i am going to unlist everything i don’t feel completely pleased with. and then add more things, that i have been shy about listing, thinking they were too big or costly or otherwise deemed “Not Right”. i am going to try to steer away from making objects “that i think will sell”. that doesn’t feel right, even though i do like making small things, i would like them to be more complex and elaborate, thus more costly. i stop myself about halfway through sometimes, thinking “no one will buy it!”. funny. then they don’t sell anyway. i like to make elaborate small things - photo objects, etc., big paintings, smaller waxed paintings … and books. both prepared and finished. so i am going to do that from now on. hear me roar? heh.

so there. now back to it. i’m not stopping until that black trash bag is full and out of the studio. then back to the magazine. and still another day off!!! wheeeeee!

this isn’t finished. i’m waiting for the pot of beeswax to melt and then there will be some buttons probably. this is not the biggest one. yes, i made one *bigger*! gasp. (can’t photograph until daylight tomorrow, and then … maybe not anyway). and also, this is not what is really in my head, but it is what came out of my hands. i was trying to be more daring … and braver … but mostly i felt dull and stuck. simplicity and minimalism are the hardest things in the world. but they are *much* better than the hateful mess i began last night. the point is to keep covering up and adding more until you have the nothing you want? well, what do i know? anyway, i am trying …

weird day mostly. slept FAR too late, unusual for me. then after slacking a bit, starting the laundry, we decided to treat ourselves to lunch out. sometimes i get so tired of homeFood. so we went to The Orient, which has always been a favorite. inexpensive, authentic, etc. i ordered my usual veggie pad thai and my poet went for the tofu curry. all was well until suddenly a WIDESCREEN TV came on spouting INFOMERCIALS. i nearly shit. i DON’T go to eat at places with TV’s blaring (occasionally, when travelling, in some breakfast dive, it has happened, and seems a novelty, but not at HOME). my stomach started to twist. as we were the only customers, when our server brought our food, i asked if they could please turn it off. the owner zapped it off, but i thought she looked a little cranky about it. we ate. it wasn’t as good as in the past. my poet began a stomach ache and by the time we headed on to our errands, i also felt queasy. blech. then the clouds came in, which i thought i might be glad about, as the winter light is so harsh and white, but it only seemed depressing. i kept working on these new pieces until i felt OK with them. finally after some red wine and plain pasta with butter and parmesan, my stomach is a little better. i still have to write that check to the IRS. this was not the best saturday.

i will probably be making more images like this. even though i sometimes snarl about my “small work”, i just love doing it. right now it works in my space and with my time. somehow using the recycled photographs as background for the new images felt very good. pleasant work last night!

now it is morning and i have had too much coffee and my ears are humming loudly from the leftover sinus thing. my feet are freezing and it is gray and dreary out. after a few errands i plan to spend the rest of the weekend at the artTable. don’t even try to stop me!

still putting new things in my little ETSY shop every day. they aren’t disappearing fast enough! i am not deflated though, i proceed fearlessly and squeal with delight when i get a SOLD email. however, i think i am mostly finished with making these small works. they are pleasant and addictive but they stack up too easily and it is difficult to sell them. they really need to be seen alive. and touched. and i realize they would not do well in a public space because they would be too easy to walk off with, frankly. i think in a booth show, with me manning the space and controlling the display, they could do well perhaps. but … um … when exactly might *that* happen?

it feels odd to have no artTable now, but i like the time off. there is the magazine to work on (yes, t-giving weekend! *and* with the girls here!) and i do have a little box of stuff in case there is a creative emergency. but wallowing about reading books seems tolerable for a week. i am contemplating what i want to do next. i can only have a few supplies out at a time, because there is just not space for everything and i can’t work in extreme clutter. is cloth going to come out? i am so intimidated! somehow i want to make cloth things like the little piece above. i think i can do it … new pieces are lurking in my head

one more day of the office and then the girls will come. i am so glad. it will be crowded and noisy in our little house, but fun, i think. i hope my quiet poet doesn’t go berserk with all of our carrying on. the girls don’t come until 5pm on t-giving day. we don’t do turkey type things, so shall find a place for dinner in kansas city. i hope something is open! and then i really want to see the Bloch Building lit all up at night.

i feel all rambly and blabberish. there was vegetable soup with miso and cabbage for dinner. yum. and clementines. they are supposed to be for the girls, but they are too good to wait. it has turned cold again. i’m trying to put off going back to work and paying some bills. that’s what.

still plugging away ambitiously at this thing and will finish successfully, barring sudden incompetence tonight. it is good to know i can decide to do a thing, then carry it out. though in an almost militant way. it is good to know i can discipline myself to sit down and make *some* art every. single. day. with no excuses. it is good to know i can carry and use a camera every day. it is good to know these things, but i doubt that i will continue an everyday practice. i’m not sure what i will do next, although these exercises have been instructional.

tonight i will carve a pumpkin. the first since the girls have been gone. sometimes i miss them irrationally. like something carved out and made into a happyface? tomorrow i will have a mental health day and do errands and go to the dentist. i may or may not wander the night streets with a camera, snapping pumpkins and ghosty children. i just keep wondering what is next.

even though i have been a little quiet on my own journal this month, i have been as busy as a psychotic bee at artsomofo.

here is everything completed this month, so far. *with commentary!*

it has been an interesting personal exercise, for sure. i will probably have more to say at the end of the event. i am pretty sure i am going to complete all of my goals (daily pencam, 31 collages, book of 31 daily pencam images). i have worked every single day on *something*, but i feel a little “behind” on completions. i know i will catch up this weekend.

other things? not too much. or maybe later… i seem to be in a phase of thinking much, but saying little. i’m sure i’ll be back to uncontrolled blabber eventually!

the daily pencam book. in progress. it is one of my artsomofo projects and it has been coming along very well. especially after yesterday. it is a little simple and naive, gluebookish, i guess, but i like it. i am not so pleased with the quality of the images (but jeez, they *are* pencams!), because i did not want to use heavy photo paper, as that would add far too much bulk to the book, so used ordinary paper. but when complete, i will finish all pages with dorland’s wax or varnish and that should brighten up the colors. anyway, it is fun.

i loved the storms and rain yesterday. it meant we had to stay in and not go out to do errands, as there is no window on the driver’s side and we can’t drive with black plastic on the window. i have some heavy clear plastic to tape on for winter, but we haven’t done it yet. a tedious chore to avoid for as long as possible. yes, it is tacky, but my car Saffire is a DNR car. she receives vital fluids and that is all. $250 for a new window is better spent on travel or artToys! but today i am already feeling a little restless and not only do i want some FOOD, i would also like to wander around a little with that new Diana+.

it is very fallish. there are leaves down everywhere.