cobaltika

i don’t really much like it that my mama is feeling quite poorly and that we all feel better when “someone is around” for her. my sisters can’t do everything. all the time. so i am going to help. i can’t pretend, though, that i am not happy to get back in a little fast car and tear off to texas tomorrow to spend a long long weekend with her. i love being there with them. and it’s gonna be fun to armwrestle my mama until she at least lets me wash our dinner dishes! until next week then … adios.

i thought it seemed like a long time since i had updated, but maybe not. i have been living internally and sometimes the time passes differently then. like. what day *is* it? this weekend i decided to drag the big paintings upstairs and re-work/finish them. after over 2 years, i still have feelings for them and want them completed. there are layers and layers of work in them and i like that. but now i am covering most of it up and “purifying” them. i am most interested in pale layers and rich textures (visually - but smooth surfaces - and not too grungy) and somewhat surreal imagery and text. it is the hardest thing in the world to accomplish. (for me) but i have been trying. i do notice that it takes time away from making small marketable items to post on etsy. but last night i began altering some polaroids. turning them into valentines. i don’t like the first ones, but there are better ones in my head and if they work out, then i will show and list tonight. we’ll see… i am feeling very very tired and lethargic, physically, although there is much mental and creative activity going on inside. i am also always hungry. that’s weird.

last night traci and i went to the gallery walk downtown. i haven’t been to one in a long time, as i have become disenchanted by seeing pretty much the same stuff for approximately 7 years. actually i haven’t been out much at all lately and i can tell i am becoming sort of agoraphobic. not good. so we went. it was good fun. i took the jamcam. unfortunately, it was the *bad* jamcam, the one that captures too darkly. too bad, as winedrinking makes people shooting so much easier and there would have been some very good images. i won’t talk about the art, though. or i will sound too snobbish.

i managed to rescue a few images and they are :: here ::

now i wonder what i will do today. still sitting around in nightie clothes. it is cold in the house. i have had a brownie leftover from my poet’s birthday for breakfast, but can tell i will have to make some eggs (protein) very very soon. there is laundry but i do not want to clean the kitchen floor. maybe some wandering today. i hope. and artMaking of course. well, onward…

last weekend, not only did i wander with my ordinary camera, but i also wandered with my jamcam. shocking but true. went out with a camera TWICE. i am not sure if i am loving my jamcam as much as i used to. maybe it is because i don’t take it out in nice enough light? yes, that is probably the problem. evening and early-morning-walking-to-the-office are not the jam’s favorite times. but i played around with the images a little and there are more on flickr. clickety-click.

it is working weekend already. i don’t mind that much. i have decided if i had some red boots life would be more beautiful. also some red knee-highs, because i really don’t like tights much anymore. they stick to skirts.

for my camera carrying project next month, i am trying to decide whether to just spring for some boxes of polaroid film, or purchase a vintage digital camera and disturb the lens somehow. i want the images to be consistent, so i wish to use the same camera every day. a regular film camera is out of the question, because having the film developed is so tedious. the ordinary digital would be … well … ordinary. the polaroid camera is so clunky, though. would i carry it everyday?

the experiments in painting are coming along. i have been working in layers and installments, which is a good exercise for me, as i tend to think i have to finish everything in one sitting or i will lose momentum or interest. now they have turned into little story cards. i think i want to also embellish them heavily. they are fun.

sidewalk composition : jamcam

it is supposed to be rainy with chance of storms all (long) weekend. so i just cancelled the little rental car and emailed the inn that we won’t be confirming our reservation. i should not like to be six miles into the bare wildflower-covered prairie in a thunderstorm, thank you very much. with my cameras wet. nope. i don’t mind that much, although i hope it is not going to be rainy every weekend there are wildflowers. i don’t really like going away on the weekend after the magazineWeekend, because the house is always dirty and now the garden is neglected and of course the artTable always calls. so i know what *i* can do this weekend … when it clears, we can wander around here. so much has changed, there are lots of new pictures to make.

yesterday i carried my jamcam again and actually made friends with her again. i had been thinking she was a dreary companion lately, pictures always dark and dull. but she did some pretty nice things yesterday. there are a few on flickr with more later. i haven’t felt very productive or creative lately. it’s a creepy feeling. maybe this weekend i will be restored. how did my fingernails get so long again already? i can’t type. maybe more later.

partly because i am tired of looking at the pink bike lady on the front page. and i am surprised i did not put some swamp jamcam images on my flickr or maybe i did? i didn’t seem them though. i think my flickr is taking on a rather schizoid look lately. i am not sure why that is. now the magazine is done and i can do more fun things. when i am not so tired. i think i will be tired this evening.

contemplating some travel adventures … a car this weekend and to the tall grass prairie for wildflowers? not sure. it might rain. i don’t want another car weekend in the rain. it is pointless. then next month, betsy flying here, pick her up and drive to texas. visit like crazy, then come home. i would like to do something *different* this summer, but i am not sure anything beyond seeing family will be in the budget and i DO want to see all of them. i really do think living in a camper van could be a good idea…

the only adventure this weekend was a little walk at the swamp, but there were hardly any creatures. i think we were there too early in the day. in the late evening is when it is most interesting. it will be sad when they turn that area into a 6 lane highway. stupid stupid town.