today an impulsive visit to a pumpkin farm occurred. i had never been to one. yes, really! what a crappy mother! has never taken her daughters to a pumpkin farm? my friend traci came along with me for some errands and then we decided to go. we had cameras of course. and she had A CREEPY DOLL! my first chance to shoot a creepy doll! it was muddy and freezing cold out there but what fun!
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i don’t really think it is *that* morbid. i think he is rather beautiful. we were able to be very close to him and see the texture and color of his fur which was quite amazing. he was not visibly damaged. in fact, appeared to be napping at the edge of the road. the crossing and gesture of his front paws is graceful and what i admired most. he is heavily cropped, so the open eye that eliminates the fantasy of a creature merely at rest is not visible.
i am up too early. no oversleeping today. further contemplation of yesterday’s dream occurred. even after writing the details, it became clear that the act of having to get all the organizing of the photos and negatives complete before clearing the path to the open door (out of the “office”) was obviously about my failed “plan”. that by the time the girls left home, i would have my debt and life in order and be “free”. ha. NOT. it has not happened. and i am no closer. only more fearful and bound.
my poet and i dined on southwestern soup, ideas and possibilities last evening.
and white peaches for dessert.
from yesterday’s walk on the east side. i guess i won’t publish the portrait of the dead raccoon in the street. (not on the east side, but near the river). i have been wanting to make portraits of dead wild animals for years (roadkill, if one wishes to be precise), but of course it seems sort of creepy and i have never stopped on the edge of the road and Done It (yet). i don’t want mashed and mangled creatures, but only the ones who seem to have been tossed from life to the edge of the road. sometimes their poses are so dramatic and passionate. i don’t know why i am fascinated. but the raccoon looks rather beautiful. i just might.
lately i seem to have started looking at things differently. composing with my eye. arranging. it doesn’t always work. and sometimes i am the only one to notice the difference. but it amuses me.
then on sunday, we also went out in the car again. first looking for the big sunflower field, which i could not find, then through some small towns, then to Perry Lake where we walked around a bit and looked at the different wildflowers growing in the rocks along the shore. i played at making abstracts out of macros. not very successful or interesting really. my head hurt and my spine, too. ugh. then home. we ate - bread, mozzarella, olives, a salad of tomatoes, avocado and scallions (which always leave a taste in my mouth as if i’ve eaten from a garbage pail). a quiet evening mostly. i feel a little drab and dreary right now. that happens sometimes. often i know what sets it off, other times it is a mystery. (although if i think hard enough, i can figure it out, if i really want to. most times i prefer to let it pass, as it will) i prefer not to dwell in the dark place, although i go there often enough, for a short time. contrast is interesting.
i have done pretty well at summer this year. i have been outdoors a LOT, and worn appropriate clothing even, though i was seldom really comfortable with what felt like too little. but today it felt wonderful to put on my black knee-high tights and TWO layers of shirting, with the tight black skirt that is going to have to be replaced very very soon. boots soon. and SWEATERS. oh good.
yesterday i felt inclined to stay in and work at the artTable. silly me, as he reminded me at the breakfastTable “it is Car Weekend!” we went to KC on friday afternoon, for his errand, some shopping and to visit with friends. we have to rent a car once a month for the trip to KC, as my car won’t make it that far (probably, but i don’t want to test her. ever again) of course, it is right that we should play in the car all weekend! artTable can come later (someday. i just know…)
so off we went, to Council Grove, a place we had passed through and i thought it might be interesting to wander around with a camera sometime. it was. then, since we were so close, to the Tallgrass Prairie preserve, where we had visited last spring. the drive was incredible. the colors. migod. my driveby camera would not work though. sob. we walked there as long as they would let us, then drove to Cottonwood Falls, which was a rather unnerving surprise. i can’t quite put my finger on why. there was a gallery showing the photography of Edward C Robison III and Mark Feiden which was very wonderful. usually i am pretty cold toward landscape photography (even mine), but theirs was brilliant. what a treat.
then we drove home and made dinner. a good day.
i have never figured out why every time we go to the former Pochi (now Indo) cafe downtown, traci’s food is *always* better than mine. even when i order something i have seen her order before, i look and sure enough she has something *better*. i can NEVER figure it out! perhaps next time i will not be so clueless and whatever she orders, i will get exactly the same. that should work! i believe my food actually made the best image, but hers tasted 100% better. the we wandered in our old studio neighborhood and made pictures. that was good.
so yes. a long walk. with the poet. and my camera.
i am happy about these images, too. this is the second time in a couple of weeks that we have walked together and i have managed to make likeable (to me anyway) images. funny, when we first started walking together, in nature, i couldn’t make a proper image for anything. i was so self-conscious. also Nature is just not my thing, visually. i now love to BE in Nature. and i can tell that these past few months that i have been re-introduced to the natural world have been transformative, but i will never aspire to do Ansel Adams type stuff. i don’t even *like* that kind of photography. but i like having a vision come to me and capturing … and making it BE in my head *and* in reality. i can’t make the words. but it was pretty fucking exciting.