210107
in my room in january
i feel a little self-absorbed this weekend. caught up in my own things. of course i allow my poet in. he feels like part of me. but i haven’t been as friendly as i hoped i might this weekend. i don’t communicate enough. i didn’t call my mother this morning. or the girls this weekend. well. it is better to catch them on weekdays, i suppose. but mostly it has been me, my work and my cameras. a beautiful snow and two good films (2046 and The Girl From Monday). some good food. tonight i cooked. the very very slow and creamy risotto and mushrooms and braised spinach. in butter! mmmph.
a snowy walk this afternoon. with jamcam. and the new brownie hawkeye, which i actually took apart and cleaned! i was so fucking proud, i am just not mechanical and the insides of *things* always terrify me. but i DID it. i felt so jaunty carrying the little boxy thing by its handle. jamcam dangled from the other paw. we stopped to visit with KT, who has the amazing yard and was shovelling her snow. i always feel so shy, but my poet was silly and lively and dancing about. he carved a meandering path on our sidewalk. sometimes i almost feel guilty to be so content. i mean really. i still go to the fluorescent prison each day, with never enough time at the artTable and the bills are always lurking and taunting, i still fret over my girlies and doubt the future.
but i am HAPPY.