102806
an excerpt from my journal last night, after arriving home from my first release mission:
“i think it was a little awful. i really want to be generous, but i felt quite very incredibly terribly uncomfortable releasing art. fuck. i loved each of those little pieces and almost cried each time i left one, wondering if anyone would want it, or if it would be scooped into a trash. i only scanned 3 of them, because part of the plan was just Letting Go … without attachment. and then i felt quite bad for leaving them in galleries, as if i was trying to show off or something. but no. that’s just where i was tonight. it all seems very awkward. i’m sure i think too much and worry too much. hell. they are just pieces of bad photos, tissue and cut-up text with shiny copper ink stamped on.”
as it turned out, there was No Way that i left 20 pieces of art last night. maybe 10? it was much more awkward than i imagined it would be, almost as if i were doing something sneaky and Bad. and there was also that odd sadness. something i am also trying to release in this project, as it leads to a tendency to hoarding and lack of generosity. i mean, you should *see* all the stuff i have made and don’t feel is good enough to sell, or i don’t know *how*, so it just sits in boxes in the basement until it loses its sweet energy. terrible! some of it is really beautiful.
today was easier, as i continued, my pockets full of art everywhere i went, completing mundane errands. i did find that i was absolutely unable to release a small piece in Walgreens, as my poet purchased cough medicine. i just couldn’t. battling what felt like a prejudice, i made sure to leave a piece in Checkers! still a bit of anxiety, but not as much sadness. it is interesting to see how even a small and quick piece can feel very precious. i hope someone will love them.