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double-release melatonin seems to do a pretty good job. i can turn out the lights at 10ish and wake at 6ish. lots of amusing dreams. no 3am panic, with subsequent wakefulness for 2 hours. i *like* waking at 6, if i feel refreshed and ready. i like dawn. the light is so nice. this morning i was working on canvasses by 7:30. i am recycling old paintings and preparing canvasses of all sizes. my muse (or whatever) goes somewhere cool or fun in summer but i do not sit around on my hands waiting for that bitch to come back. i am busy. and ready. there are stacks of canvasses prepared with asian newspaper and gesso. there are stacks of recycled photos prepared the same. there are stacks of books. yes, also prepared with asian newspapers and gesso. i am ready. hello? hi! i’m ready! ok?
i also cut out my new skirt, acidy green cotton with small dots. but i did not sew it yet. i do not think i will be taking up sewing again for amusement. i was stunned at how TEDIOUS cutting out even a simple skirt with a pattern was. i can’t believe i even used to make the patterns…this all made me a little sad to realize.
despite furious activity, it has been a saddish weekend. it is very very hot, over 100. bright light pouring into my studio skylight, hurting my eyes. missing my girls like crazy. and restless, longing. i don’t even know what for. betsy called from washington square park in nyc. hi mama, i’m in the park, listening to jazz, waiting for jane to finish work. i rode the chinese bus from boston. i loved hearing from her, even though it was too short. her new thing is “i have to warn you, my cell battery is almost out…” i know she is not a big phone person, just like me, but i MISS her and want to hear her little stories and adventures. margaret has not called this weekend. i hope it is because she is having so much fun and not because she is miserable and holed up in her new apartment with her kitty and her TV and a dreadful headache. i never know. maybe she is mad at me because i cannot help her with the horrendous repair job for her new little car. i have written strongly worded letters to the Honda Co, but i doubt to hear a response. i don’t know what to do.
mechanical things are so wicked and tedious. my web host of seven years has fallen apart, too, it seems. too many mornings, i see my site is down, for half a day, no technical response to emails. they used to be so ON, incredible service, no down time. i think they have tried to be too big. it is so sad. bigger is not better. more is not better. i have been sneezing and coughing. i am sure it is a subconscious response to seeing the basement stairwell wall LOADED with mildew. ick ick. i will have to spray bleach and my poet will have a fit. and so it goes. now we will watch Science of Sleep again. it was free at the library. i need amusement and distraction badly.