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looking forward with current vision.
maybe these photos from the wetlands last weekend were not a true accident. but instead are relevant? well. if that were absolutely true, they would be much darker, less colorful and much more blur. i am always rather retarded about camera settings, but the accident of forgetting to turn off the macro seems to have created … nailpolish pictures! and this *does* seem representative of my feelings for the week. maybe some of it has to do with the blatant reminder that another year has passed, but more and more i am wondering what the hell i am doing with my one precious life. it seems NOTHING. going to my job each day, sitting there for 92 hours per day, with really not that much to do. awaiting payday. paying everyone. i’m not getting ahead. i’m barely keeping up. and there is not much chance of that situation improving. the artStuff. still sad. but i’m still forcing my hands to be busy each evening. just glueing shit down. rubbing gesso around. if nothing else, i will have a pile of prepared books stacked in a corner when they find me on my deathbed.
soon i may just have to take a leap. be brave. after all, when the girls left to go to school, and my income was reduced by 1/3 and i didn’t see how i was going to do it … i’ve done it. if my income were reduced by 1/2 could i still? GULP. (i don’t see how!!!) would i finally be forced to use my artSkills to create income for myself? would i be forced to live my DREAM? (or would i have to work the midnight shift at the KwikShop?) i don’t know. but i am considering finding out.